79pounds's Journal

i'm sitting around eating soup man brocolli-cheese soup.  its supposed to be the original chef that was copied on the seinfeld show as the soup nazi.  its good, but i don't think its $4.00 good and that is what it cost.  its okay.  on the latest diet, i lost five pounds total so far:  i lost three.  then i lost nothing.  then i appeared to have gained three.  then i checked and i was down five.  soooo weird.  i'm doing smaller portions, avoiding excessive sweets and carbs, and making small trips for anything i do as a form of exercise.  i really need to just do something real at the beach each day for exercise, but i am kind of afraid of the sun in the morning because i burn.  if i do everything in the later afternoon, it won't work out because it rains every afternoon.  

the kittens have perked up a lot.  i have them on a schedule of mornings on the deck outside (sunshine is healing) and i give them just born kitten formula out there and moist food or baby food at night.  they are caged now all day.  then they have kitten chow to munch on throughout the day.  all seems fine.  they are still too thin even though i dewormed them and advantaged them.  but they appear bright eyed and happy, way better than before even though they are STILL too thin.  the larger kitten, hasn't trained properly.  he is paper trained and if he has his own litter pan he will use it and if he doesn't he uses the pile of newspaper so i still can't adopt him out (though he may just be spoiled as many pure breds are).  the new ad comes out next week.   

feeling kind of wiped out and drained.  i get home last night and i have a letter from the irs.  yeah right.  are they kidding me?  there are a zillion people out there making over 100,000 per year go after them.  i am writing them a letter.  i can't believe they wrote me at all.  i am absolutely stunned.  i had someone check on something else for me with them four years ago and they said all was fine they just do that and now i get another letter.  if they want to pick on people, pick on ones that actually have surplus everything.  i have really had it and i am going to tell them so.  i have high blood pressure and now i have this anxiety thing.  i can't handle stress of any sort anymore.  at the time i got the letter, if i were living on a cliff in california, i think i would have just jumped off of it and be done with it.  do they realize what they are doing when they harrass regular people who are struggling right now because of the economy anyway.  do they THINK at all?  there should be a law that they only go after people who have a certain income or more and leave everyone else alone.  i have never asked for any kind of assistance, i have never filed any claims, nothing.  and its like hey lets get blood from this stone.  its sickening.  boy, do i hate august.

jf is being all careful around me, still, and i feel so awkward with it.  he is actually, j's friend more than mine, but for about two years now, he comes over more and more when j isn't here.  (though, since january no one is ever here anyway.  lol.)  jf is looking into buying a pizza place up north, finally, he is really into cooking.  i could introduce him to another friend of our's who owned pizza restaurants for many years (they are a million dollar business, but you need a livingroom in the back of the restaurant because of the way the business is.  its in lulls, like very busy and then not, so they lounge and watch tv in between.  he'll be working 12 hour days, from 12 to 12 if he really does it, though it suits him.)  i don't want to get involved with it though.  next will be k, who also pissed me off last week.  lol.  b isn't in school this year, which is weird.  he's going next year he says.  js is doing her usual and starting school up north (they start in september), by christmas she will be back.  she's done this before.  very shrewd.  around here, school is already begun and i never adjust to it, though this year i accepted it better.