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motherofvictim 
1/20/07
11:35 AM
I am at my Saturday job.
I haven't started working yet and arrived a couple of hours late.
Seems that I can't get enough sleep lately. Probably because I am unmedicated for my depression and drained from obsessing on what happened to my son and the other victims of our case.
I am feeling alright today. It's Saturday and Saturday's are always better than weekdays for me. I have more freedom - even though I am working my other/2nd job - Saturday's are better for me.
I could barely drag my butt out of bed this morning to get here - and luckily/thankfully for me my boss (at this Sat. job) understands and is okay with me being late - as long as the job gets done.
I am grateful to have found this site - just yesterday - and plan to use it as a tool for my recovery from what has happened. I feel the strength and love within these "rooms/forums" and know that I have found a place where I can anonymously share my grief and pain. Although this is a wonderful site (as I can tell so far) - I also know that it does not/can not replace the other sources needed to recover from a painful experience. I know that my enrollment in Victim of Crime Counseling for myself and my son will prove to be a paramount part of our well being. I also know that human contact and physical hugs do not replace those of a website - but...I feel like this is a place that I can come any hour of the day, time of the week, and I will find others who come from all perspectives of the issues that I have in my life - from childhood victim to mother of victim - to witness of crime - to whatever it may be that I am dealing with.
I want to thank any of you who have welcomed me to this site and let you know that although I do not "know" you - you are an important part of my recovery and I need you. Please continue to share with me your experience, strength and hope. You are my "extended family" - I will come to rely on you. I hope you will be able to gain something from me too. As a childhood victim who hasn't shared with family yet - I will be able to give you the perspective of the mother whose son didn't share with me (i had to walk in on the abuse to know about it) - as a mother I can share the pain of knowing that a trusted person has taken the innocence of your child, and as a human being I can just be here for you and let you talk - I am here, and although I am self-consumed, I am a good listener and take great joy in helping others.
11:35 AM
I am at my Saturday job.
I haven't started working yet and arrived a couple of hours late.
Seems that I can't get enough sleep lately. Probably because I am unmedicated for my depression and drained from obsessing on what happened to my son and the other victims of our case.
I am feeling alright today. It's Saturday and Saturday's are always better than weekdays for me. I have more freedom - even though I am working my other/2nd job - Saturday's are better for me.
I could barely drag my butt out of bed this morning to get here - and luckily/thankfully for me my boss (at this Sat. job) understands and is okay with me being late - as long as the job gets done.
I am grateful to have found this site - just yesterday - and plan to use it as a tool for my recovery from what has happened. I feel the strength and love within these "rooms/forums" and know that I have found a place where I can anonymously share my grief and pain. Although this is a wonderful site (as I can tell so far) - I also know that it does not/can not replace the other sources needed to recover from a painful experience. I know that my enrollment in Victim of Crime Counseling for myself and my son will prove to be a paramount part of our well being. I also know that human contact and physical hugs do not replace those of a website - but...I feel like this is a place that I can come any hour of the day, time of the week, and I will find others who come from all perspectives of the issues that I have in my life - from childhood victim to mother of victim - to witness of crime - to whatever it may be that I am dealing with.
I want to thank any of you who have welcomed me to this site and let you know that although I do not "know" you - you are an important part of my recovery and I need you. Please continue to share with me your experience, strength and hope. You are my "extended family" - I will come to rely on you. I hope you will be able to gain something from me too. As a childhood victim who hasn't shared with family yet - I will be able to give you the perspective of the mother whose son didn't share with me (i had to walk in on the abuse to know about it) - as a mother I can share the pain of knowing that a trusted person has taken the innocence of your child, and as a human being I can just be here for you and let you talk - I am here, and although I am self-consumed, I am a good listener and take great joy in helping others.
Comments
please stop beating yourself up. you are preventing yourself from moving forward. your life has not been easy, but by taking a step backward, you are letting "them win." for some reason, i figured this it out early on...not that it's the best indicator of strength. you must fight. don't give up. the "system' sucks, support is hard to find, but please stay in the "game!" victim's are not judged. you and your family have my support. it is up to you to heal at your own pace. my thoughts are with you! please keep "letting it out." you are not alone.
renl