Journal

Well things with me are still ok. It has been a challenging couple of weeks really. I am still over the moon with Chris. But perhaps a little scared as it seems so good. 

I went to queensland on the 4th to see him race. It went well and on the whole we had a good time. But poor Lachie was indecently assaulted at his respite house by an older boy client.  I put lachie in a state run centre for respite for disabled youths. Mainly to avoid loosing him in a crowd and the noise at motor sports is so loud. I believed he would be safe and am devastated by what happened and what worse could have happened. So fortunate that it wasnt worse.

He is happy and bright still and mostly seems unaffected but I have been started cousellining for him. A specialist that deals with children with speech difficulty and intellectual disability. He has drawn scary drawings about monsters at the centre. So I am very worried about him at the moment.

I felt incredibly guilty at first mum off having fun and this happens to him, but I know that I did nothing wrong. I put him where he should have been safe.  But as all mothers know its our role to keep our loved ones safe.

He will be fine I am sure  and he will never visit anywhere like that again.

Will write soon.

Hi once again.

Life is going really well. I am so happy. Relaxed calm and in control. That may sound strange once you hear my car was virtually destroyed yesterday. Thank god Lachlan and I were not in it but inside his school. A fendt tractor lost control and plowed through my parked car......

 A bit inconvenient but we are well and thats all that matters.

I have been doing wonderful for the last few months and now to top it off I am in love.... yes I said those words. Words I never thought I would feel again..... Feel.... Can't believe I am capable of it afterall. I have felt dead to that emotion and connections for so long but now I feel alive again and on lithium no less.   

There are those friends who will understand what a treasure this is... To feel connected to another human being. After feeling like you were going through the motions on autopilot to actually feel you have steering again.

I met a man Chris is his name. He is the most affectionate human being I have ever met. Everything is easy between us and hot too lol. My son loves him my dog would leave me if only to be with Chris and I would too.   Its hard to imagine that I could be this happy but I am.  Maybe thats all it is the right someone.

Well I am just going now to go float off and get ready for Chris. Lachie is having a sleepover I am cooking tea and we are then off to the movies........

Well I vanished from DS for a while. I missed you all. I am sorry I havent checked in more but have been busy with life.  Good sign. For so long I existed now I am living. I love living, feeling alive. Looking forward to each new day.

The right meds, exercise and social time. I feel like the old me. Before illness and trauma sucked the life out of me.  So its good to be here.

The last few months have been busy. Lachlan had eye surgery and did well. He now has double vision which hopefully in time will correct itself. He had squints. His eyes turned out and he was only using the one eye. He now looks at me with both eyes. It was difficult to watch him go through and even more difficult for him but in the end I think the right decision was made to get it done.

He has been having hearing problems since jan. Constant ear infections and temporary loss of hearing. I am concerned that he may have some permanent damage. He will need to see a specialist to see if he needs gromets put in to drain them and have his hearing checked.

I started volunteering one day a week at the school this last couple of months. Its is the same specialist school for disabled kids that Lachlan goes to. Not his class of course but helping the children perform their lessons and guiding them through their day. I find it challenging and rewarding. It gives insight into them and even has helped me see my son in different ways.

Gym is going well and walking Angel. She is a great dog. Golden retrievers are the best. She loves her walk and also loves us. She is so gentle with Lachlan and patient with his cuddles.

Anyway glad we have her.

I am doing well. We are doing well.  I had some disturbing news in the last month. Found out the man I had loved for a long time, the one I promised to wait for is married. He is a player and cruel man that prays on woman and delivers nothing of what he promises as he is married and a liar. Well that explains a lot all the long absences and the unavailability. So I can look at it that I wasted time waiting for someone or that it happened and i can learn from it and move on. I will do the latter. People do strange things. Unfortunately some people are selfish and cruel. But thats their problem.

Well take care and hope to write more soon. x