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Mel1509 
Been bingeing all week. Monday was going to be a turning point but sat in my office in the afternoon the usual thoughts of Haribo Sourmix came into my head. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday no better. I didn't even go to my exercise class because I wanted to stay home and eat. It just makes me feel revolting and I can't get up in the morning as I'm exhausted as my body has been digesting all night. None of this will bring back my ex boyfriend who I am pining for all the time and if I carry on gaining weight it will not help me find someone else. I probably don't look like I have a problem as I'm tall and if I put on a few pounds can carry it and usually I stop long enough to get back in shape again. Went out for a meal with friends last night and when out started came I couldnt stop picking it was so good, Mexican dips with tortillas, spicy sweet potato wedges and onion rings. By the time the main course can I couldn't eat anymore it was a huge plateful and very overfacing. I don't like appearing to be a big eater infront of others. Planned to stay in tonight and have a twelve inch pizza and nine inch garlic bread all to myself followed by a tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough. It's not good, it's Saturday night and I know I have to stop but when I wake up tomorrow morning I know I will feel so down that it will be a struggle not to do it all over again.
Comments
hey Mel - i can relate to alot of what you say in this entry. i know i am in bad shape when i don't do something i've planned because all i want to do is run home as fast as i can and eat the house bare. like you, and a lot of others i think, i eat normally in public.
another thing i do similar to you is what i call 'managing' my disorder. i can usually stop before i get too heavy. i get back on track - eating properly and going to the gym. but ... it seems i no sooner get feeling and looking a lot better and i start binging again. it's like i have this limit to how bad i will let it get, but i also limit how good i will let myself feel. and like you i am fairly tall and can carry the extra weight. i have also become a master at what to wear during my heavier times to mask the weight a bit.
lastly i too have a hard time stopping if i wake in the morning feeling really crappy. if i already feel bad, i'm immediately discouraged and shameful and choose to do things that will make me feel worse not better.
maybe things are going better, i hope so .... but if not, i hope you can be kind and gentle with yourself tonight so you can wake feeling just a little bit better, and maybe feel more motivated to take care of yourself.
Sooo
relate completely to this. thanks for sharing x all the best
bluevibe