Journal

firstly, i have to say i am sorry to all my dear friends for not being there for you over the last few months.  tx and kids have just taken over my life and i've not had time for anything else.

so much has happened in my life since i last visited this site.  i feel really guilty and have felt really guilty that i havent visited and can only apologise for not getting here sooner.

i am now at week 36 of tx, exactly half way through.  woopee!  bradley, my son, is at week 5.  thankfully his biopsy was good and only showed mild portal fibrosis, so i guess he's stage 1, which is brilliant.  what a brat though! lol  he is soooooooo demanding and arrogant and bad tempered.  i'll be glad when he's finished. lol  but bless him, he is doing well and apart from the tantrams (typical teenage stuff with a bit extra cos of the tx) he copes with all the sides brilliantly.

i have had trouble with the others at school and six months ago, i took them outa school and now home educate them.  so stuff the education authority.  they are much happier at home and their behaviour has improved no end.

the old man (as in hubby) is now unemployed, frustrated, bad tempered and getting under my feet constantly.  and he still doesnt do any more in the home! lol

my oldest daughter sent me a parcel, which contained all the sentimental stuff i had ever given her and i received it on the day i started tx, telling me that she no longer wanted to be part of my family.  wowee!  that needed a bit of juggling in my head at the beginning of tx.

then, out of the blue and talk about a blast from the past, i heard something about the childrens' home in jersey that i used to be in on the radio.  there is an ongoing investigation and i am witness to one of the cases that is going on at the moment.  all the old memories came rushing back and we all now having to relive our time there.  the good thing that's come out of it tho is that i have found my family again (not blood, these ppl were more than blood) and after 40 years of not fitting in anywhere, since meeting up with my long lost friends from the home, i now have a sense of belonging and fit in somewhere at last.  it's been quite a roller coaster ride i can tell you with with array of mixed emotions, but mostly totally overwhelming.  and all whilst on tx.  WOW!  i guess all these things are sent to try us eh.  it would be good to get some respite at some point tho. lol

as for my health?  i am responding.  ZERO V/L since week 12, but cirrhosis is further developing.  they have found a lump on the liver and a spot, but cos of all this court stuff thats going on i wont know whats what til i go back in two weeks time.  i have to say that i do feel better tho.  still extremely tired, achy, headachy, confused and breathless, but prolly not so much as at the early stage of tx. 

i'm still staying strong, feel positive about getting better and definitely still smiling.  that is a necessary part of life itself, let alone good health.  i am determined as ever my friends and hope that you too stay strong.

whilst this journal sounds pretty drudgy, i am not moaning, merely explaining as to why i havent been able to get online to support all of my dear ds friends that need it.  please remember tho that even when i am not here i am thinking of you all and my prayers are always with you all.

i love you all dearly

stay strong, stay positive and no matter what, keep smiling.

pepy

xx 

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY.  THANK YOU LORD!

and thank you guys for your prayers and good wishes.  

as for the good news????  here goes:

they found no cancer in my liver.

the gall stones are just small and i do have pollups but this is not an issue at the moment.  not a worry tho.  if it becomes an issue, they will just whip the gallbladder out.

first, they wanna tackle the hep c and will look at removing the gallbladder after tx.

although my liver is seriously damaged it has not decompensated - great! 

I AM RESPONDING to tx - my VL is down in 7 weeks to 254 

my bloods are quite low but they said they have to push me as far as they can before reducing meds.  so i carry on with tx for now.

my son is not a worry, but he will have to go through the same tx at some point.  they said, maybe when he finishes his exams next year, but to reassure him that they're happy for him to wait and that he'll be fine.

there you have it.  what fantastic news eh???

all i can say is thank you thank you and thank you all of you for your prayers and support.  i believe all the prayers have brought this good news about and am once again positive about the outcome.

i hope all our prayers can be answered in the same way and that you guys soon enjoy your own good news.  all you gotta do is believe.

chin up everyone, stay strong, be positive and keep smiling

x 

i have been nothing but positive and determined throughout my illness and have refused to allow it to take control and bring me down.  but this god damn thing can be sooooooooo frustrating and could easily bring a person down.

i would really like some good news, just to perk me up a bit cos right now, i really feel i need it.

on monday, my 15 yr old son was dx with hep c.  that was heartbreaking and he needed much quality time and help to give him an understanding of the disease and what he may or may not have to face along with lotsa reassurance and hugs.  and you'll all be pleased to know that he's getting his head round it really well and is ready to fight.  thats my boy!!!

today i go for a routine scan and find out that my spleen is not just enlarged but is massive and that i have not one or two but lotsa of gall stones, that my liver was what they would expect to look like for a stage 6 liver although they would have prefered it to be a bit smoother, that a couple of lil veins had burst in my abdo and then they talked about something else which i didnt quite catch and suggested "we better check the lymph nodes if thats the case". alarm bells are not ringing as such yet cos i have learnt to wait for the answers from the proper ppl, but i certainly dont like the sound of what they saw.  still i only have to wait til friday cos i'm back to see my hepatologist then and i guess all will be revealed then.  if they need to operate on spleen or gall bladder then i will have to come off tx, but then again, they prolly cant operate cos all my bloods are down and i know they like the platelets to be at least 100 to be cleared for surgery.  so hopefully they wont take me off tx.  hopefully they will let me continue as this is my only chance and hopefully the thing they saw that they wanted to also check the lymph nodes for is not the dreaded c.  but again, we will see.  friday will tell all.

more than ever now i need to hang around to help my son through his battle and i pray that god will allow this.

i am still v positive cos i believe this is the only way to be in order to get a positive outcome and i am more determined than ever to see this thing through so i can help my son, but i cannot help but worry that i may not have the time.  i hope and pray that friday will, for once, bring good news my way and give me fresh inspiration to fight even harder.

thanks for listening my wonderful friends:)  and sorry to be venting once again.

luv ya

x