Journal Entry for February 26, 2009
February 26, 2009 11:01pm
Progress
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Goal End Date is Mar 1, 09 271 days ago.
CrashStrain
9:44am, February 26, 2009
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About Me
CrashStrain
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About Me
I have a husband of over 3 years (been together for over 13 years). I am a registered nurse currently looking for another job. I have suffered from severe depression for 20 years, as well as other mental and various medical problems over the years. I finally had a complete breakdown in '07 after my mom passed away from ovarian cancer. My dad was diagnosed in '08 with colon cancer, had surgery, chemo and is now is remission.
I have a husband of over 3 years (been together for over 13 years). I am a registered nurse currently looking for another job. I have suffered from severe depression for 20 years, as well as other mental and various medical problems over the years. I finally had a complete breakdown in '07 after my mom passed away from ovarian cancer. My dad was diagnosed in '08 with colon cancer, had surgery, chemo and is now is remission.
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Interests
Watching TV, listening to music, going to movies, internet, bikeriding, going to the beach and listening to the waves
Watching TV, listening to music, going to movies, internet, bikeriding, going to the beach and listening
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Halfway there
February 8, 2009 7:21pm
Ok, finally finished my resume. Now on to the cover letter and references. Yay.
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Why do I SI?
January 29, 2009 9:38am
Why do I feel the need to SI, well this kinda sums it all up for me. This is a line from one of my favorite scenes in the movie "28 …
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clearing my head
January 24, 2009 4:07am
I know I just posted this in the depression group but I think it might make a good journal entry too.....
I can't stand myself right now, I …
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Hugbook
Hug
Hsng in there and be strong, it can only get better, I will send you a message. Jo JO
Superhero Status
im hoping you get an interview soon :))
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Hug
woot you go im proud of you :)
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Hug
im doing i guess existing is more like it have to call tomorrow since i slacked today and didnt see what my insurance covers for a pdoc
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Hug
hope your doing good and that you have your cover letter done i work medical too so i know you can find a good job :)
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Photos
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Goals
View all completed Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionMy name is Jennifer and I have been suffering from major depression on/off for the past 20 yrs. My worst bout was last year after my mom died of cancer. I had a complete breakdown and ended up in a psych ward twice. Now I'm on the right meds and am in therapy.
Treatments
- Abilify Working / Worked
- worked for a while to aid my antidepressant, but my med nurse decided I no longer needed the extra med
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Somewhat Helpful
- Was exposed to this during my hospitalizations and subsequent intensive outpatient therapy...helpful to a point depending on the therapist
- Cymbalta Working / Worked
- This drug helped me a great deal, though a side effect of nausea never completely went away
- Geodon Somewhat Helpful
- Helped to stabilize my mood when I felt out of control
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- This has also helped a great deal, though had dosage upped to the max dose and eventually lowered due to bad side effect of feeling jumpy and hypersenstive
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- Kinda worked but wore off after awhile
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I probably wouldn't be here without support from counseling over the years
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- did work for a while but had to stop due to major weight gain
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Helps me to realize I'm not alone in my struggles
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Just helps me get to sleep and stay asleep
- Writing Working / Worked
- Helped me get through my hospitalizations, lets my thoughts and emotions out without hurting myself
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- First antidepressant I was ever on...worked but lost effectiveness after awhile
Close GERD & Heartburn
I have been suffering from GERD for about 14 years now. You name it I've probably tried it. Six yrs ago I had the nissen fundo procedure done for the GERD, was med free for a whole year. Now its back with a vengance. About to have my umpteenth EGD to see how bad things are again.
Treatments
- Aciphex Working / Worked
- Worked temporarily but quickly lost its effectiveness
- Antacids Somewhat Helpful
- Some brands work better than others, some actually make me feel worse, except for Gaviscon, that always worked the best
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- As long I eat bland, non-seasoned, non-fried food I'm sometimes ok
- Carafate Working / Worked
- Definitely helped when my gastritis flared up
- Dietary Modification Somewhat Helpful
- Helps to a point, but sometimes I can eat mashed potatoes and have problems
- Domperidone Working / Worked
- This definitely helped for awhile with my stomach motility problems, just got to be too expensive
- Ginger Working / Worked
- Ginger ale always works when the reflux is so bad that I'm nauseous
- Pepcid Somewhat Helpful
- Helped somewhat, but really was the least effective one I've tried
- Pepto-Bismol Somewhat Helpful
- I only resort to pepto when I'm really desperate
- Prevacid Working / Worked
- Currently my doctor's drug of choice, however it has ceased to be effective lately
- Prilosec Working / Worked
- Tried it for awhile, but wasn't as effective as some others
- Protonix Working / Worked
- Worked for awhile, was probably on this the longest at one time
- Raising Bed Position Working / Worked
- Had 2X4's for years until my reflux surgery, still have to use several pillows though
- Reglan Working / Worked
- Definitely helps, because along with the reflux I have gastroparesis, and this helps with motility
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ParentLast year my mom passed away from ovarian cancer. She only lived 6 months from the time of diagnosis. She just suffered so horribly towards the end. I am a nurse so I helped take care of her when she was so sick. I was completely devastated when she died and have not been able to properly grieve and move on.....
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
- Although I can't seem to cry much anymore, when I can it is a huge relief
- Getting Angry Somewhat Helpful
- I was angry at first, but it didn't last long and now I'm just depressed
- Grief Counseling Working / Worked
- I went to a group that lasted about 2 months and it did help to get some bottled up emotions out
- Poetry Somewhat Helpful
- I tried writing about my feelings but it's easier for me to talk than to write
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- This has helped me to work through some of my feelings of guilt
- Remembering Considering
- Eventually we are going to have a ceremony to lay my mom's ashes in a flower garden which might help bring things to an end for me
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I have a big family who were all there when I needed it, as well as my friends from work
Open High Blood Pressure
I have been dealing with hypertension for 5 years now and so far I have yet to have good control of it
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- I find if I stay away from salt my pressure is better
- Clonidine Working / Worked
- Definitely works to get my pressure down fast, though recently my pressure has been out of control and my doc upped this to twice a day
- Diovan HCT Working / Worked
- Worked for awhile, but had to stop due to side effect of leg cramps from the diuretic
- Verapamil Working / Worked
- Worked for awhile, but stopped eventually due to GI side effects
- Ramipril Somewhat Helpful
- Didnt really seem to help much
Open Self-Injury
I have been self-injuring on and off for many years. My last severe bout with this was last year. I fell into a deep depression after my mom died, which triggered my SI and quickly led me again to thoughts of suicide. To this day I keep razors ready and waiting...even when I don't have the urge to SI I can't seem to get rid of them...
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Helps to have a professional to talk to when I feel like cutting
- Rubber Bands Working / Worked
- First learned about this from a staff member during my first admission to a psych hospital...best diversion method I've found yet
- Squeezing Ice Somewhat Helpful
- Tried it on the advice of a counselor, but never really worked for me more than a couple times
- Talking Working / Worked
- Just helps to vent and calm down when I'm upset and want to cut
Open Insomnia
I have been suffering from insomnia for several years, I was always a night person, but its now to the point where I can't fall asleep at all at night no matter what I try, unfortunately the only thing that helps are my meds, and when I don't take them, I don't sleep
Treatments
- Rozerem Working / Worked
- I only take this when I am completely desperate it knocks me out for about a day and a half so I really try to stay away from it
- Ambien Somewhat Helpful
- now taking ambien CR as as needed thing, but it really does work
- Ativan Working / Worked
- I take it mainly for my anxiety, but it helps when I really can't sleep, it helps me relax enough to get tired
- Benadryl Working / Worked
- I only take this when I am completely desperate it knocks me out for about a day and a half so I really try to stay away from it
- Lunesta Somewhat Helpful
- Took it briefly, but after awhile it stopped working
- Rozerem Working / Worked
- Took this very briefly, took about a week to have any effect at all, which was minimal at best
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- This was my saviour last year when I had such trouble sleeping, I've had to up the dosage several times but when I take it definitely works
Open Migraine Headaches
I have had migraines for the past 20 yrs, started when I was 12. I've had every test under the sun over the years and my neurologist pretty much boils my migraines down to a hormonal factor. Every once in a while I'll get breakthrough ones during the month. I have had improvement over the years, I used to have ones that lasted 2 weeks, now my average is 2-4 days.
Treatments
- Amerge Somewhat Helpful
- This helped somewhat but I had to stop using all the triptans when I developed high blood pressure (the triptans can aggravate blood pressure problems)
- Caffeine Somewhat Helpful
- Coffee sometimes helps if my migraine isn't real bad
- Excedrin Working / Worked
- I should probably own stock in this company I use so much, I take this first and if and when it doesn't work I go to my Vicoprofen
- Fioricet Working / Worked
- Was on that for awhile years ago, until I think I started the Imitrex
- Imitrex Working / Worked
- This helped initially, but eventually had to stop because once I started the shot form the medicine made my throat close up
- Inderal Working / Worked
- Tried that years ago, I think it only worked briefly before we tried something else
- Magnesium Somewhat Helpful
- Tried this briefly but didn't seem to help much
- Naproxen Working / Worked
- When I have a migraine, I alternate between this and Excedrin, sometimes works better that way
- Topamax Working / Worked
- This is what I'm currently taking, it does help a lot
- Tylenol Somewhat Helpful
- There should be an option for absolutely useless
- Lyrica Somewhat Helpful
- Wasnt on this very long didnt really help to knock out my migraines
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- Was on this briefly too though didnt really help to much
- Depakote Working / Worked
- This kinda worked for me but I was eventually taken off of it because of the weight gain and cause my doc was worried about it raising my liver function tests
Open Asthma
Type: Adult AsthmaI developed asthma about 5 years ago...for years I had increasing shortness of breath and bronchitis several times a year, and one year I had bronchitis for over a month and my doc diagnosed me with asthma. My first severe attack was really set off a few days after I was started on a medicine for my blood pressure, a beta-blocker, and I later found out beta-blockers can cause asthma symptoms to worsen.
Treatments
- Advair Working / Worked
- Have been on this since I started with the asthma, seems to work pretty well, started at 100/50 now I'm up to 500/50.
- Albuterol Somewhat Helpful
- Helped somewhat, wasn't on this for very long though
- QVAR Somewhat Helpful
- This was the first inhaler I was ever on, worked a little bit until I went into the hospital the first time
- Singulair Working / Worked
- Have been on this since I was diagnosed, and if I don't have I definitely notice my symptoms getting worse
- Theophylline Working / Worked
- Was on this for a long time after I was hospitalized the first time, eventually stopped it to see how I would do and I seem to be ok without it
- Xopenex Working / Worked
- This is what I currently use, I have it in a rescue inhaler and also for use a breathing treatment at home if I'm really in trouble
- Combivent Working / Worked
- Worked for a little while but I kept having trouble with a rapid heartbeat I was switched to the Xopenex cause it has less cardiac side effects
- Prednisone Working / Worked
- Now I get this everytime I have an asthma flareup my doc tried only using it as a last resort but we eventually conceded that my symptoms dont improve without it
Open Diabetes Type 2
My blood sugar has been borderline high for a few years now. I also have both parents that are diabetics. This past few months when I had labwork my glucose was higher and higher and my A1C was in the abnormal range, so my doc finally decided to start me on meds.
Treatments
- Dietary Modification Working / Worked
- Not sure if working yet.
- Eating Healthier Foods Working / Worked
- Might have lost a few pounds not sure.
- Metformin Working / Worked
- For the most part my glucose has been under 200, steadily going down. Had some minor GI side effects in the beginning.
Open Obesity
I have been dealing with obesity since I was a teenager, my weight bounces up and down, lately just up
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Working / Worked
- I've recently had to cut down on carbs due to diabetes, I've also cut down on fatty fried stuff and sweets
- Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Not Working
- didn't work, had to do with the group thing
- Slim-Fast Too Soon to Tell
- just started drinking it again recently
- South Beach Diet Not Working
- just couldn't stick with it, too expensive at the time I tried it online
- Topamax Working / Worked
- was on this a few years ago, initially had weight loss then it tapered off
Open Families & Friends Affected By Suicide
On August 6, 2007 my husband't grandparents died as a result of a murder-suicide. They were found a day later by their son, my husband't uncle. The grandmother had passed and the grandfather passed the next day. The uncle has been in extensive therapy. The family will never be the same again. I try and talk to my husband from time to time because I see how much it has affected him, but he would rather just make bad jokes about it or sweep it under the rug.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I have talked about the incident with my counselor, whom I see for depression
- Talking Not Working
- I try and talk to my husband about it sometimes, but he has so far been unwilling to talk back
