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chantal1120 
Today I have cried a lot and I feel like I just want to sit down and keep crying! Yesterday my Mother and I got into a fight and she took it too far! She upset me a lot when I told her that maybe If I was gone she would be happier (meaning if I moved out) and she then told me "There you go again with your Psychotic thoughts and low self esteem! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO GET SOME HELP!) After that I called my friends and family to inquire about any apmts for rent! Today I have an apt at 5:30 to see an apt! I pray to god I get it! When I came back after a walk I then told her. This is it, even if we do make up and everything is ok, I am leaving because I can not take this anymore! I tossed and turned all night, I threw up this morning, and now I am in an on and off cry at work! I am such an emotional wreck. I guess I just need somebody to talk to!
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This morning I was talking to my mother about some pictures of my nephew and how this is his second year in school and his mother had not givin us pictures for two years now and I was so upset and saying all kinds of horrible stuff so needless to say I kept rambling on about it for quite a while. On top of that I have been stressing over my weight issue and some other issues I have right now but something happened that changed that this morning and just has me ... gosh I can't even explain how I feel. This morning when my mother and I walked out to the car we decided to throw something in the trash before the trash man came which is very unusual fo rus since we usually do everything the night before so that we don't have to mess with it in the morning. When mom went to open the trash can she suddenly stopped and picked something up off the lid of the trash can and walked to all the neighbors trash cans to see if they had something on the lid of thier trash cans as well. When I saw her come back to our house I asked her what she was doing and it was then that she told me that she had found a bible on top of our trash can and that is why she went to all the neighbors houses to see if they had one as well but it was only our house that had one! Ok! you wanna know what it is huh? It was a BIBLE, yes a bible! I was so touched and a feeling came over me that I can't explain I also had questions.
Who had put it there?
What was god trying to tell me?
Why was a holy book on top of one of the dirtiest places there is?
I also thanked him for listening to my prayers and to let me know he will always be there for me! That is all I have thought about all morning along with many other things I could change about in myself and in my life! So for any of you that are losing faith, under the weather, stressed, or having any issues at all please know that god is always listening nad will always be there for you no matter what!
Another thing about this bible! It looked exactly like the bible my grandma had when I was little and I also remembered how I would always take the little orange bible and look through the pages hoping that one day I would have one exactly like it! Today was my day!
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WOW>...You have to feel awesome right now. I know I would. God or some other angel is telling you they are there for you. Lean on God for the strength you need to get through your rough spots. I am soooo happy you had this moment in your life.
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Sounds to me like God was trying to tell you something! And your grandmother! That's amazing.
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A sign perhaps? That gave me goosebumps!
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Morning! Thats really nice, and God often uses people to do his work. Who cares who put it there, its the fact that it was there when you needed it! I am a believer.
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WOw, that is an incredible story. I have goosebumps. I'm a true believer that things happen for a reason. I would take that as a sign that you are not alone.
Today I woke up at 5 A.M. and I felt awesome considering I usually struggle to get out of bed at 6 A.M. So I decided to work out for 30 minutes and i felt so good after my work out and I was so pumped for the day! I hope this is the beginning of the rest of my life because I haven't felt this good about myself in a long time! Comments
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Hey you, I am so glad that you felt good about getting up and working out. Way to go!! That's the hardest step. Once you start firming up and losing a few punds it will be a lot easier. I hope you keep up the good work.
Past Entries
| September 2007 |
Monday, 9/24
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Tuesday, 9/18
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Friday, 9/14
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Oh sweetie, I am sorry you are in so much turmoil. Did you get the apartment?? I know it is hard for you to fight with your mom. Sometimes we get so angry, we vent and say things that we don't mean. Big hugs your way
Betch