Journal

I attached a new pic of my dear Olivia.. she is growing to be a nice big girl considering she was a preemie.. and weighing in at 4 lbs 4 oz. She is already wanting to sit up on her own, she eats her cereal and 1st stage veggies and fruits...she is a doll!

RA is not as bad as months before, I guess the Humira injection are working... that and still the methotraxate, plaquenil, folic acid and finally got dr to get me on a low dose prednisone to 5mg.. no more 10-yeah!

still missing my mom dearly.. its going to be 3 months since she passed... love you mom!

Take care and thanks for letting me share!

Irene

Its with great saddness in my heart that I type these words.. my mom passed away Tuesday  06-30-09 at around 11:30pm. We had her wake service on Thursday and its been so so hard. I go to her house and see all her things and just brings back so many memories. God has her in heaven now watchimg over my family and me....

I know that God did not want her to suffer anymore. She was not in any pain but there was just so much agony and I asked God, please if you want to take her, please do so. You gave her this cancer, and it decided to win, just take her and make all the pain stop and it did that Tuesday.

I miss her dearly. My heart is so broken. I feel numb.

Olivia my dear sweet daughter is the only thing that brings a smile to  my face.

I love and miss you  mom-you were the best.

so much has happened where do i begin....

Well... mom's cancer is really bad.. she is very weak and has decided that she wants no more chemotherapy... she is practically bedridden now....she has lost so much weight she is unrecognizable..... she has already started to hand out some of her personal belongings to everyone....and has had a one on one talk with everyone.. except me. when I go to visit.. I dont stay long enough in the room for a long talk... I still cannot come to grips that I am losing my mother to this damn cancer.... I know in my heart and mind that my mom will probably not make it through this year.... its just that I feel cheated out... my daughter was cheated out from the most wonderfulest, greatest experiences with her grandmther.. I got cheated out on that mother to mother bond.. being that this was my first baby.... there will be no grandma visits or trips to the park or zoo.. her baptizim, her 1st birthday....none of that...

My dear darling Olivia will be 4 months this saturday and my is she growing.. she is 11 1/2 lbs and is going strong.. she starts to babble like she is really having a conversation with you and its soo cute... she wants to start to pull herself up to sitting position and is so much alert now of her surroundings...she still is coliky and fussy... but I am praying that will go away REAL soon!

and my arthritis.. well still no good.. pain is unbearbale in the feet, ankles, wrists.. so rhumy said we are starting Humira injections ASAP so I had my 1st one today.. not sure if its just me but I do feel alot better....could be wishful thinking.. he said if the Humira injections work, you will be almost good as new by 4th of July.. yippie!

thanks for letting me share

Irene