Journal

Well, I am back for a bit!  I don't quite remember the last time I have been on this site.  I am still stuck in the same rut with this whole weight loss thing.  I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a sugar addict.  I love the stuff!!!  Unfortunately, my doctor told me that I needed to cut back on the sugar or I would have to go on diabetes medication.  At first, I was determined to give the sugary sweet stuff up, unfortunately I have fallen off the wagon a few times.  I did not realize how much of a sweet tooth I had until I needed to stop.  So, I decided to track down my eating habits & discovered that sugar is a main staple in all of my meals.  Breakfast consists of coffee w/2 sugars & a cinnamon raisin bagel w/cream cheese. Lunch consists of a big gulp.. For those of you who do not know what a big gulp is.. it is a large soda from 7-11 store.   then I usually have a slice of pizza, or a smart ones boxed meal (that smart ones has a ton of sugar in each of their meals).  Usually there is a birthday party at work every week.. So cake is a component of lunch.  Cookies have also been showing up at

the office.  Dinner consists of another boxed meal & ice cream.  With all that sugar, I should already be in a diabetic coma!!!  Well, I am going to have to wean myself off gradually.  It's gonna be a long unsweetened road ahead of me for the most part. 

Busy.. Busy.. Busy....

It's almost like I never left! LOL...

I was gone for 3 weeks due to surgery & while I was at home, I became quite familiar & relaxed not having to be on a time schedule.  The hustle & bustle of my everyday life was temporarily removed leaving me to experience a certain freedom.  So this is how the other half lives... I pondered to myself.  Well, not necessarily.  I still was receiving a paycheck via direct deposit so I did not need to worry about my expenses.  I did

imagine that I was getting a taste of what life would be like if I did not need to work.  All of my life it has been work, work, work.  And if I wasn't at work then in my spare time it would be running necessary errands. (Notice that I put the word necessary before errands thus making my errands a chore with the same sensation of being at work). Today was my day off, but I wouldn't have noticed since I needed to get some much needed errands done.  Tires for my car... groceries... etc.... I came home exhausted barely able to keep my eyes open & fell asleep.  All of this probably explains why I am up at this early hour.  As I lay awake in bed trying to force myself to continue sleeping until a reasonable time, I realized that it has been awhile since I was on this site.  So here I am...  This site feels a bit more lonely for me.  I don't feel as connected as I once was.  Perhaps I am not the same person who signed up years ago.  Sitting here disconnected & lost I realize that I never really accomplished what I had set out to do so long ago.. Which was to find inner peace & become a better person mentally & physically.  I am still overweight & have tons of issues with food.  All these years of trying to have a child without success have weighed heavily on my soul. 

Tired & alone I sit here realizing that I am not one step closer but ten steps behind...