BarbaraJS's Journal

I got the scan results yesterday, and nothing really major showed on it. A couple more prolapsed discs, but nothing touching the cord. My Dr thinks that the increased pain might be due to my reduced mobility and ligaments seizing up, so has recommended more massage. I have a great lady who does this for me, so will probably be seeing her one a weekly basis - its just a shame that she isn't covered by my insurance.

Initially I was not sure how I felt about the results. If there had been something drastic on there, then it would mean another operation, and the year of recover that that usually takes, and I would still be as I am now because I have permenant spinal cord damage, and that will never go away, so I guess I am pleased that I don't have to go through anything, and at least I will not get worse just yet. There is always the possibility and almost probability of further surgery in the future (I was born with a very narrow spinal canal) so a slipped disc to someone else could be lived with, for me it could compress the cord really easily - just my luck eh? That's why they think all of this started so young for me.

I saw a phychiatrist today, and he told me that I'm not depressed, its just that I am going through this alone really (well mentally anyway) and I told him that using this site and writing the journal has taken me from not being able to discuss what is wrong with me without crying to being able to talk about it calmly and I think that I have got my head around things really. Its just that all of my best friends emigrated to New Zealand in 2000 (just after my first op) and I don't know anybody where I live because I am at work all day. I do have some good colleagues who I can talk through things with, but I don't really talk to my husband about it because he is such a worrier, and I don't want to add to that.

He helps me so much physically, but mentally, I think I have not allowed him to, and he being a typical bloke (sorry to all you non typicals on this site) has put his head in the sand and is putting his fingers in his ears singing la la la la not listening, if you understand what I am trying to say.

Anyway, the upshot of it, is that the Pshyc (jeez, I can never spell tha word) has referred me to a colleage, and he says that basically I have been coping on my own since I was 16, and I need someone detatched to talk it all through with. For the insurance company he has had to label it (reluctantly I hasten to add) Adjustment disorder. He gave me no meds. It was quite reassuring that he said that anyone who has been through what I have, and in such a short time would be reacting in exactly the same way.

Anyway (you may have realised that I start many paragraphs like that, and I write for a living!!). Anyway, I feel positive, although my nose REALLY hurts. On wednesday, just after my nap (drug induced) I went into my office, and was reaching for something off the bed and tripped over my wheelchair and went nose first onto the wooden bed post. It hurts really badly, and when I tell people they laugh! No black eyes yet, but a very swollen and painful nose. If I don't laugh about it, I'd cry! There was blood everywhere (that has never happened to me) and all you parents out there who have experienced many a conk on the nose from your child's head will feel sympathy I am sure.