Sara017's Journal

Well today was fun, I thought everyone would think I was weird, cause I dressed in all black and red.

Anyways, Cameron and Elliott were over, so we all had to cram in the car because mom was at work with the truck. Well we were 3/4 of the way to church, and dad was like, "Something is wrong with this car." I thought he was joking, because he likes to tease us. Then he said it again, and I felt the car slow and realized it wasnt running at all. I was thinking, ugh, now this day is completely ruined and mom is gonna be mad.......  

Well Dad called mom and she came to get us and then we dropped her off at her first work site. Then dad dropped us off at the church, and we were like super late. The Intern? pastor was teaching our sunday school class, which was weird, but I love his use of the word idiot, lol. Allen wasnt there, so I thought he mightve been tired from playing raquetball this weekend. Lark was there, with Mia, and I was like, "Mia!!" and we ran up and gave eachother a hug. Lark was like, "Jeez, I dont get a hug?"  "Haha, of course you do!" so I gave her a hug too. And of course I gave Kim a hug as well.

Came home, and finished cooking the ribs and cauliflower, ate, and then went to sleep. I couldnt sleep at first, and then I started thinking and sigh, memories of last Sunday came right to me, ended up crying myself to sleep:/ Woke up an hour later, felt sick and dizzy and crap, so I threw on my coat, and ate a little something, and then I sat outside to wait for Kim's mom to pick me up for Awana.

Needless to say, Ive had way too much time to think today. I just sat on the deck, and those lyrics, "Loneliness gets so old, Im in the lost and found, sitting on the shelf......." just kept playing in my head. Then I looked around, and I said outloud(because everyone was gone):

"You know why I hate the end of fall? Because everything is dead. Just dead......Theres not even a birdsong, or a chipmunk chatter, its just silent. Just dead...... I cant wait for snow, theres something about it, that bring life back. The mooonlit shimmer of a new fallen snow is just, breathtaking. But right now, its all just brown, everything crushes into pieces under my feet. Even the green on the pines just seems dull. Im so sick of death, I hate it. It destroys everything......." 

Then I thought of something else, and I put kind of a tune to it....."My heart cries, 'Imagine!' But my mind asks, 'Why? Why dream?' and my heart replies, 'Because dreaming keeps me alive.'"

Then I just sat there in silence, just staring off, I felt so numb......

Luckily Kim's mom pulled up at that point. We got to Awana, and I walked inside to the cafe, the leaders were getting ready to pray. "Jeanelle, smile!" Alex said as I sat down. So I grinned for a second, and then rolled my eyes, haha. After prayer I just stood in the sanctuary, talked to Cameron and Elliott a little, and Mr Sanderson. Then I noticed that Allen still wasnt there, so I got a little worried, he hasnt been feeling too great lately:/

Then we did all the normal stuff, and then we got to have our pizza party!! it was soooooo yummy! haha, I think Kim and I enjoyed it more than the Sparkies. So then we went back to the classroom to finish our devotional and all that good stuff. I couldnt take not knowing anymore, so I texted Allen, to make sure he was ok, which he was I guess. He was still on his way back from Raquetball, I thought he had come back this morning, which was a total guess on my part, but thats the way Nathan made it sound. That was a relief though. 

Awana ended and I was teasing Alex about the pizza, haha. Then I found Kim and we left. Allen and I texted till I got home. And now Im here, writing this journal.