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Sara017 
2:43pm, November 19, 2009
Sigh, I was doing so good it seemed. Then last night I got down, and I started questioning myself. This past month has been great, but at the same time, has it been great for everyone else? Ya ya, i know, Im supposed to be focusing on me, but I feel I always need to put my friends first.
This morning Allen wasnt at church, and hes been gone all weekend at soccer games, and honestly I miss him a lot. Eh, but that wasnt bothering me all that much. I just kept questioning myself, and then on the way up to the mountains I just went over the past year in my head, and I hate the way things turned out, and now I just feel kinda lost. Dont get me wrong, at times I do miss the way things used to be, I miss having someone who I could talk about my day to, and things like that.
I talked to Julian tonight. I feel like I dont even know him anymore:/ Maybe its just me, but sigh, I didnt even feel like I really could talk to him, even just ask questions or anything. He asked why I didnt text him in awhile, and I told him Ive been busy, which is true, but also, I just dont know:/ I feel like if I start talking to him again, Im gonna fall backwards after making so much progress. So Im keeping it short and not talking about certain things. Hopefully that will work, if not, then I just wont be able to talk to him at all, which is sad, at times he can be a really good friend.
Anyways, there ya go, a brief journal.
Comments
I know how you feel. Your mood is up there, but you can't help but wonder if there's something you could do for any of your friends, which you realize they might not be as happy as you. Jeanelle, you've always been such a good friend to everyone else, whether you know it or not, and we just couldn't ask for much else really. I bet the friends you're thinking of are all glad you put them first, but I don't think they'd want to be the first thing you should focus on. Don't be afraid to be selfish sometimes. It's not always a bad thing and I know that from experience. I know it's not much, but you and I seem to be in the same situations most of the time. If you need a friend, I'll be there.
CloudStrife