Journal

Well today was fun, I thought everyone would think I was weird, cause I dressed in all black and red.

Anyways, Cameron and Elliott were over, so we all had to cram in the car because mom was at work with the truck. Well we were 3/4 of the way to church, and dad was like, "Something is wrong with this car." I thought he was joking, because he likes to tease us. Then he said it again, and I felt the car slow and realized it wasnt running at all. I was thinking, ugh, now this day is completely ruined and mom is gonna be mad.......  

Well Dad called mom and she came to get us and then we dropped her off at her first work site. Then dad dropped us off at the church, and we were like super late. The Intern? pastor was teaching our sunday school class, which was weird, but I love his use of the word idiot, lol. Allen wasnt there, so I thought he mightve been tired from playing raquetball this weekend. Lark was there, with Mia, and I was like, "Mia!!" and we ran up and gave eachother a hug. Lark was like, "Jeez, I dont get a hug?"  "Haha, of course you do!" so I gave her a hug too. And of course I gave Kim a hug as well.

Came home, and finished cooking the ribs and cauliflower, ate, and then went to sleep. I couldnt sleep at first, and then I started thinking and sigh, memories of last Sunday came right to me, ended up crying myself to sleep:/ Woke up an hour later, felt sick and dizzy and crap, so I threw on my coat, and ate a little something, and then I sat outside to wait for Kim's mom to pick me up for Awana.

Needless to say, Ive had way too much time to think today. I just sat on the deck, and those lyrics, "Loneliness gets so old, Im in the lost and found, sitting on the shelf......." just kept playing in my head. Then I looked around, and I said outloud(because everyone was gone):

"You know why I hate the end of fall? Because everything is dead. Just dead......Theres not even a birdsong, or a chipmunk chatter, its just silent. Just dead...... I cant wait for snow, theres something about it, that bring life back. The mooonlit shimmer of a new fallen snow is just, breathtaking. But right now, its all just brown, everything crushes into pieces under my feet. Even the green on the pines just seems dull. Im so sick of death, I hate it. It destroys everything......." 

Then I thought of something else, and I put kind of a tune to it....."My heart cries, 'Imagine!' But my mind asks, 'Why? Why dream?' and my heart replies, 'Because dreaming keeps me alive.'"

Then I just sat there in silence, just staring off, I felt so numb......

Luckily Kim's mom pulled up at that point. We got to Awana, and I walked inside to the cafe, the leaders were getting ready to pray. "Jeanelle, smile!" Alex said as I sat down. So I grinned for a second, and then rolled my eyes, haha. After prayer I just stood in the sanctuary, talked to Cameron and Elliott a little, and Mr Sanderson. Then I noticed that Allen still wasnt there, so I got a little worried, he hasnt been feeling too great lately:/

Then we did all the normal stuff, and then we got to have our pizza party!! it was soooooo yummy! haha, I think Kim and I enjoyed it more than the Sparkies. So then we went back to the classroom to finish our devotional and all that good stuff. I couldnt take not knowing anymore, so I texted Allen, to make sure he was ok, which he was I guess. He was still on his way back from Raquetball, I thought he had come back this morning, which was a total guess on my part, but thats the way Nathan made it sound. That was a relief though. 

Awana ended and I was teasing Alex about the pizza, haha. Then I found Kim and we left. Allen and I texted till I got home. And now Im here, writing this journal.

Wow, things have taken a turn today. In a great way though:)  

 So we were kinda late today, and we still had to go to the grocery store to get dinner before Drama practice. Saw Maddy and Megan on the way in, and then we got our food, and we saw Max. "Jeanelle!" I turned as I always do when I hear my name, saw Alex, he waved, and I waved back. At first I thought that was kinda strange that he addressed me instead of the boys, but then again, I know and see him a lot more than Jeremiah and Jesse do.

Lets see, got to Drama practice, had to wear this white robe, cause Im an angel, and Lark was like, "We all look like white telletubbies with hair." So Darin and Julian were telling us how they werent allowed to watch telletubbies, hahaha, it was so random! The angels were bored most of the time, lol, cause our parts are so easy that everyone else had to keep practicing theirs and we had to sit and watch. We were being totally silly though, lol.

Lark, Jess, Elliott, and I were sitting in the back after that, and I was showing Lark some funny notes I wrote on my phone, we were dying laughing. Then Jesse stole my phone out of my hands and showed Elliott one of them!! I was so mad, lol. Elliott was like, "Youre so weird, haha."  After that, play practice was over, and me and the boys stayed and ate dinner, while the Reeds went to go get dinner. 

When they got back, Elliott wanted to test texting on his phone, so I gave him my number and we were texting, haha. Timmy was like, "Thats stupid, you guys are sitting right across from eachother." "Dont you know Tim? I text people from across the room all the time, haha." It was funny. Jeremiah finally got his phone to work out texting, so he has Elliott's number too.

Then we all went downstairs and I watched everyone do Karate, which was also pretty fun, I didnt even pick up my book. Nathan cracks me up, hes like, half scared of me, half likes to tease me, such a smart alic too. haha, hes what? 6? 7? I forget, lol, cant keep up with all my Sparkies. And then theres Paxton, he is the cutest little kid ever!! Hes really short, but he is so good at doing things in Karate, hes super strong too. He can pick Jesse up clear off the ground, and hes what 5?

Jer and Dan were having a blast throwing eachother on the mats. I did the balancing exercise with them, which was a piece of cake:P lol. Jess and Cameron were having fun throwing eachother too, lol.

I just felt like I was back to being the big sister, ya know? I love that feeling, getting to reconnect with my "brothers" and they just acted like nothing ever changed, they still accept me just the crazy way I am:) I mean, I know pretty much everything about them, Ive known most of them for years, I know every single one of their crushes for crying out loud, haha! So heres to my boys: Jeremiah, Jesse, Elliott, Cameron, Timmy, Danny, and Alex. And good luck girls, cause if you want them, you have to go through me first;)