MinnesotanMommy's Journal

Yes, this is all junk in the trunk...all junk that comes up and slaps me hard that doesn't need to affect me anymore.

It was going well up until a phone call I had with my mom earlier today. First she leaves me a $h1t message saying that I never answer her calls or call her back. That's a crock of crap. I normally call her back and I answer the call if I'm around the phone. But damn. I don't live by my damn phone and won't carry it to the bathroom or bedroom with me like she seems to think I should. And I didn't call her back Sunday, but she never said to call her back. She just told me where her and dad were going to be and that we should go meet them. She didn't say one word about calling her back. So the call starts off with her griping at me. Then she says I should get my excess skin removed, that dad said I should. I told her I can't right now and she said I should have when I had the chance and I told her I never could, that I'm under the impression that they won't remove it until I'm at goal weight and I'm not there yet. She asks me what goal weight is that they want me at and I tell her around 140 and she then has to ask me if I'm exercising and watching what I eat. Like I never thought of that. I told her I'm maintaining my weight and that I'm not really exercising right now and she tells me I should start exercising, that the reason I'm maintaining instead of losing is cuz I'm not exercising. Uh duh. I totally had no clue what I should be doing to drop the weight mother dear! I mean, get friggin real! It all started cuz she asked me how much I weigh now. She is forever asking me my weight, acting as if the bypass surgery is the magic key or something to this magical unlimited weight loss or something and I'm sick of it. The first year after my surgery was all about the damn number. After that, I got sick of the weight question. I'm sick of hearing it, I'm sick of answering it, and if they can't tell I'm losing weight or maintaining, then they're friggin blind. So then I told her I didn't want the skin removed before I'm done having kids anyhow. She says "well, you're not pregnant yet". I wanted to blow a freakin cork on her! I mean, I have freakin fertility problems to start with, and I feel like shit as a woman because I can't even get pregnant like most other women, and then she reminds me I'm not pregnant. Uh, duh. Like I didn't know I wasn't pregnant. I never had a freakin clue. It was like rubbing salt into a wound. She was just as insensitive as it gets. I, luckily, had therapy today.  I got to sift through this crap. I was having all this eating disorder thoughts going through my head. Thankfully Lisa helped me sift through this whole thing and get some perspective. I'm doing better now, but I'm still dealing with the crap going through my head. But, I'm dealing with it. I have good and bad moments. Guess that's all I can ask for right now. Live for the good, knock out the bad as they come on.