MinnesotanMommy's Journal

I have been struggling this weekend with the loss of my best friend. I miss her so much! I know this has to be God's will for the time being, but gosh is it painful!!! I've spent much of yesterday crying because of the whole situation, wondering exactly where I went wrong and what I could have done different.

On another note, I need to go to the doctor today (since its technically Monday now) for another yeast infection under the excess stomach skin. Its not a bad one yet. Just the start of one, but I need to get it documented into my record so I can get a tummy tuck in the future and have it paid for by insurance based on medical necessity. I'll go visit my sister-in-law while I'm in town if I can get an early enough appointment. I'll try to get into the chiropractor sometime around the noon hour (since he opens at 10 today) and then come home. My home health aide shows up in the mid afternoon, so I'll have some company while I clean this place up. I have her coming in more for the company then anything. I can clean my house just fine. And my nurse seems to be okay with our arrangement of the aide coming in and talking to me twice a week while I work on my house. Often there isn't much to do (not like I have a big place) so we sit and have coffee while we visit. Its good to have that companionship with someone, and we're relatively close which is also nice.

Then on Tuesday I go for my outpatient treatment for my binge eating disorder. I'm so ready for that to start! I know it won't be easy, but I know I can this! My eating hasn't been overly horrible. I had an off night last night. I was responding to my emotions for the first time in a while. I have faith that my treatment will help me to get this under control and manageable.

Then Wednesday I have to go to the dentist for a cleaning and check-up.

OH! Carl had known between me having a cold and feeling really drug down physically, just wiped out, and also me missing the friendship I've lost, that I was just pretty depressed, especially yesterday. So while I was napping, he went into town and got a new starter for my van and set it up so we'd have payments monthly with the place we got it from. But boy did I get upset...I was in tears over it cuz I woke up and he was gone and I didn't know where he'd went so I called his cell phone and he told me he went to town to get some food for the cows and I was all worked up and crying cuz I'd wanted to go with him to spend time with him and I couldn't. He said he saw me sleeping and figured I needed the rest since I wasn't feeling well and when he got home, he went to the van and put the new starter in it and parked it back in its place and came in and said he was sorry for not waking me and he asked me to go out and look at the calf. I was puzzled but went out and saw the van. I just cried some more. I had told him I was sorry that I had been so upset and that a lot of it was related to the loss of my best friend and he said he knew that and he was sorry for upsetting me the way he did but he just wanted to suprise me and give me something to help me feel better (he knew that I struggle with my loss of independance when my van goes down). He really is a great guy and I'm so lucky to have him in my life as my husband.

Anyhow, I should get a drink and then go back to bed. I'm not really tired, but the Golden Girls marathon is still going on TV and I've been watching that on and off all day/night as I'm awake, but I've seen the episodes so many times in a row now that I think I could repeat some of them. LOL. But, I'm off to bed again. For now. Until 5 or so.