well this is my first entry on …
well this is my first entry on here so I better make it a good one huh? LOL Well today was actually an ok day but I am …
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MinnesotanMommy 
10:41pm Thursday
Today was rather difficult for me. I was bored so I slept a lot. I wish I hadn't really. Then I had a massive headache so I drank like 3 cups of coffee late at night and I'm not sleeping now as a result and I knew better. I took my usual meds and they aren't phasing me. My own stupid fault. Oh well, live and learn. Tomrrow I have to go get a birthday gift for a birthday party Ethan has to go to this weekend. His pink eye is getting better BTW. I accomplished nothing more then organizing my table today, and doing dishes and making supper. I couldn't seem to drag myself to do more. I have a productive day, then its followed by a day where I can't seem to drag myself to do much. I see Lisa (my therapist) tomorrow, so hopefully that'll help. I'm sure it will. Now if I can get Carl to give me enough money to be able to get Ethan a pair of blue jeans for grandparent's day at school (they want the kids to wear jeans!!!! My son doesn't have a single pair that fits him so I'm not sure what I'll do. They're doing a patriotic theme. Then Carl doesn't know if he can get off to go to parent's day, so I might be on my own with that one. I hope not. What happens, happens. I get to see my best friend on Sunday when she's home for the weekend! I'm so excited. I'm going to go to church with her and I'm so very excited to both see her and go back to church! Maybe she can connect me with someonw who would sit with me during the service and go up with me if I need prayer and just have a hand to hold, in a sense, as my anxiety in church is pretty bad sometimes from past experiences. I kinda need someone to lead me around I guess you could say. I know that isn't how it should be and this church is truly a good church and I love it there, but I'm so fearful of going alone. I'm struggling with the idea that my ED treatment will work, that I won't be the person to fail. I'm always scared I'll fail at this like every other attempt to reign in control over my eating. But this treatment is totally different....in that they have specialize treatment teams to work with that are trained in ED treatment. I'll have a dietitian and psychologist with them. Then I'll see my regular psychiatrist, MD and psychologist along with my support worker and case manager as well. I think I might talk to my case manager next week about seeing about getting involved in some day treatment so I have stuff to occupy my days. I'll maybe call him tomorrow about that. I don't so much want to do it as i need to do it. My days filled with nothing aren't working for me. I could start working with a job coach, but even that takes time to set up. I might mention that to my case manager next time we meet as well. I think working, easing back into it, might help me feel useful and better about myself too. I need to get back into my devotionals again. I was in a better frame of mind doing that. Anyhow, tomorrow I need to hit up the dollar store for sure for a few cheapies, then maybe Walmart to get Ethan jeans if I can get Carl to give me some money for that. He's pretty tight fisted with the money, even though I get paid twice next week! Anyhow, that's my update. I need to update daily, really.
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Sounds like your treatment team for your ED treatment is pretty extensive. Sounds like it is pretty much fool-proof as far as not succeeding at it!!! I know you will do just fine. I have faith in you.
Your weekend sounds full of fun things. We don't have any plans yet but will probably spend Saturday at the lake. It is suppose to be gorgeous here this weekend with highs in the high 70's. About time winter leaves us alone!!!
Glad to hear that Ethen is doing better with his pink eye. That had to be painful for the little guy. Hope that you are able to find him a pair of jeans. You might want to try Goodwill. They have really great kids clothes for just a little bit of money. Some of them still have the tags on!!!
Have a great day, my friend and will check in again tomorrow. It is good to start your devotionals again. It is a great way to start one's day.
Debbie
SUNSETYELLOW
Well I sure hope you ended up getting some sleep last night. Sometimes a good dose of caffeine works wonders on a headache, but it usually doesn't do alot to assist in a good night's rest!
Pink Eye sucks, but I assume Ethan isn't contagious at this point? I'm surprised you never caught it. Hopefully the young lad is feeling up to shopping for jeans today, but I bet not.... he's a boy!
I'm glad you get to see your best friend on the weekend. That's really something good to look forward to and I can feel how happy it makes you. Having things to look forward to is good for your general outlook on life!
Stay positive, and hope to see another update soon:)
Slimpics
Just got caught up on your journals. Sorry to hear things have been so rough lately, but I know it will start getting better when you "get in the groove" with your new treatment. Good luck with your therapist and have a great time with your best friend! Just keep swimming...
SueGal