MinnesotanMommy's Journal

Just no drive to write to be honest. Not even today. I'm in and out of depressions, I'm struggling with my food and exercise in a severely bad way. I woke up to a dumping syndrome episode of the nth degree I think. Holy cow did I feel junky. I know exactly what caused it and it was my own fault. Makes me mad when I eat something I shouldn't, but I feel so compelled to do so sometimes. Anyhow, in no mood to elaborate on that struggle. I go to my assessment for my BED treatement on Thursday, so hopefully with some professional help going on in a major way (I think they told me treatment days are like 12 hours long or something), I'll slowly improve and feel better and be able to manage this. Anyhow, so that started my day, the dumping syndrome. Then I go back to bed and get up with a nasty mid backache for no apparent reason. Its like the muscles are fatigued or something, like I overused my back right in that spot. Then I make some sausage I'd gotten the other day and it was too spicy and after two bites or something I had to quit cuz my tounge was burning. Then I listen to a message on my phone and here I was supposed to be at my friend's so the phone company could install her phone line and hook it all up and I forgot cuz I wasn't feeling very well and she left a message looking for me and I never heard the phone and I feel bad, so I called her cell phone but I knew she was at work already, so I have to wait to apologize to her until she calls back so I can explain and tell her how sorry I am for forgetting. And to end it all, instead of laying in bed to rest my back cuz it hurts to be up, I can't cuz Ethan has the day off from school yet. Why they need Monday off after Easter is beyond me, but whatever I guess. Now I'm waiting for my friend to get online to see if she's free for a little bit cuz no matter how I feel, I have to run to work to grab Carl's paycheck and hurry up and get it into the bank this afternoon so a check doesn't bounce. We went to the gas station and got gas for the van and his check card was declined and we couldn't figure out why cuz he'd just figured out his checkbook and here he found out a check went through the account on Friday that he'd forgotten hadn't gone through yet (a check from FEBRUARY people!), so he still had money in the account, just not enough to pay for the gas in the van, so he had to write a check, so I have to take his check to the bank and get it deposited by 3 this afternoon so the deposit is counted for today's business and will protect us from an overdraft on that one check. I'm SO irritable. Oh my goodness. Today will be difficult having to temper myself with Ethan home. Usually when I'm irritable I'm alone and its not a problem cuz I can relax, read, rest, etc, but with Ethan home I can't do that and I need to cope with this and be okay for his sake. Uh oh, dumping from the sausage now...goodness sakes. I'm dumping from foods I always eat...even cheese! I dunno what's up with my system. Goodness sakes! I better get going. Good grief.