MinnesotanMommy's Journal

IF Carl can get a big ass advance against his paycheck for next week, we MIGHT be okay financially, sorta, if that makes sense. Like, it'll pay a bill he forgot automatically comes out today, and it'll pay our past due on the phone and net, so I'll be here at the end of the week hopefully. I hoping he can borrow against his check, even though I HATE when he does it,cuz it'd get our phone line back and get our net back on. So far I'm connected, but who knows how long that'll last. I'm hoping and praying for God's grace on our net connection and that my husband can get the pay advance and we can do this and make it work. I'ma be lost w/o my net connection. I just don't think I can do w/o it. I have so much support and so many friends online. I sorta ate food I shouldn'tve, almost got sick, wish I would have so I wouldn't have to digest the calories, but I'm stuck with the consequence of the emotional eating. I got impulsive. I need to get this under control. I think I might be able to attend my DBT classes even, a driver offered to take me for the next six months (it's a six month course), so that would help. Ug. I just don't feel good. Shakey. Dumping but not dumping. Symptoms of dumping but no toilet problem. Ug. My own fault. I hate impulsivity w/o thinking. I'm dragging. That sorta dry heave I had wore me out. I still have one home visit to go. I don't feel well. I wanna sleep. Ug. Lord help me. I need help. From where, who knows, but I need help. I'm so messed up and my nurse won't flippin call me. I've tried twice. I'm so unstable. My moods are shifting at least every half hour right now. It's so tiring. So tiring!!!!!!! But, I'll keep fighting.