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anitaama 
My Prayer for Today
First of all my prayers are with the families of those who lost love ones eight years ago today. It was an awful day that we are not soon to forget. I remember the way we all came together as Americans. On that day we were not Republicans or Democrats. We were all Americans. I just wish we could come together like that these days in light of Health Care Reform. We are so divided on this subject. It makes me sick about all the hate mongers spreading vicious rumors. Please Dear God, let them come up with a solution that will be right for everyone.
Next my prayer is for all my sisters that are going through such a tough time right now. My heart goes out to you. You all have helped me through the darkest time of my life, and I hope I can help you as well. No one understands what we have gone/going through with this insidious disease like we do. How if felt when we were first diagnosed. The fear that grips your heart. How it felt to tell your children. The fear every time you get your blood drawn. Please God help my sisters through this.
Lastly for myself. I want to thank God for keeping me cancer free for this time. Sometimes I wonder why I was spared, when so many of my sisters were not. My life has been so difficult since Cancer. I wonder why sometimes why I was spared, just to go through the terrible things I have been going through. Losing jobs, not being able to find a job, after filling out hundreds of applications and going on dozens of interviews. I have not worked in a month and my finances are in a mess. At this point I don’t even want to try anymore for fear of more rejections. I need all of your prayers Maybe this seems trite to some of you that are going through chemo and still battling Cancer, but it is a serious concern to me.
I guess this is more of a rant. Thanks for reading.
Love Hugs and Prayers to all of you.
Anita
Comments
Dear Anita
I feel that we`ve all been given obstacles to overcome and through the strength of our DS sisters and friends we`ll end up victorious...Try not to give up in your quest for a job, just be patient.
Lots of love and strength.
xxLinda
Lindaheff
Your prayer is beautful Anita. Your concerns for your well being are valid. Your fear that you will be unable to take of yourself and needs is valid. I will keep you in my prayers and I know that things will get better. Stay strong and stay faithful.
xoxo
Kia
KiaT
Anita, I too think your prayer was beautiful, straight from the heart. It must be so hard for you. Getting rejected from a job interview is very hard, I know. Our economy was bad here a while ago when I was looking for my job. It seemed that things would never work out, but they finally did. Keep praying. God is listening. Maybe your perfect job isn't open up yet. We never understand his plan for us, but do believe it is a good one. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. You are a very intelligent person with a lot to offer an employeer, never doubt yourself. I am happy you are cancer-free and grateful for your prayers for your DS sisters. Also I am with you for your prayers for the country and health reform. Good Bless You and answer your prayers swiftly. Love and Hugs always, Julie
JulierRae
Thank you so much for sharing your prayer with us. I will be praying that you find a job that meets your needs soon!!!
vchen
I want to thank you you all for your prayers. I love you all so much. I really needed to vent. Thank you for reading. Love and hugs to all of you.
anitaama
Dear Anita, Thank you for the most appropriate prayer for today. I have round 2 of chemo today and really appreciate any prayers. I do keep your job search in my prayers. Surely something will show up soon. Have you considered volunteering somewhere and perhaps it will network into a paid position? Often schools need classroom aids and volunteers. Aids are paid. I don't know - I just know that we encourage out students to get unpaid internships if they can't get paid ones. Just something on the resume for them is important.
I, too, hope the health care conundrum is resolved soon. I have great health care through my employer but I am the carrier. My husband's plan is much more limited since he works for a small company so he's on my insurance. Ours is such an injust system and the rhetoric flying about is so dishonest. My youngest son is about to go off our insurance and it makes me so angry that there is no cheap and easy alternative for young adults.
Many hugs and much love to you, Janet
IUPUI
Janet, thank you so much for the suggestion, but I don't have the time to do an internship waiting for a paying job. I am sinking fast. I might look into telemarketing, which I hate but usually they will hire anyone and at least it will be money coming in. I will have to see. Love and hugs to everyone.
anitaama
Don't for one moment imagine that your struggle since your successful treatment is in any way insignificant or trite. What you are going through now is all part of the same battle we are all up against.. just another phase another stage. Eight years ago when I was first successfully treated, I managed to get two years off work.. The first year I was 'signed off' as too unwell for work by my doctor.. and had some time to catch my breath and take stock of what I had been through and to try to figure a way forward with my life.. The second year was a lot tougher.. they don't allow us to stay on the 'sick' indefinitely indefinitely... and make us jump through some rathe riduculous and totally inadequate set of assessments to see if we are really unfit to work.. Well I wasn't still.. and I knew it.. however the pressure on me was to get moving on the job market.. I went through some training that was available and did some volunteer work in areas that I was interested in.. this led to some very stressful job working with homeless people.. I was damned good at it.. but it caused me more stress and upsets than I was fit to deal with.. I stood in as manager for six months, fully expecting it to, ultimately, be my job.. it was given to a 22 year old idiot, who didn't have a clue what he was about, where he was or the real problems of the people he was dealing with.. Lots of the good work and initiatives I had set up were destroyed within no time of him starting there.. I moved on the clerical and admin work at the hospital.. the one I've just been incarcerated in.. again it was too much stress for me and I pushed myself extremely hard and took it all to heart.. those seven years were harder for me to deal with than the actual cancer.. many of the problems I was having were a direct result of my cancer and a part of it.. I only managed to stop the treadmill when the cancer recurred...
If I went into remission again, I would not take the work issues so seriously, nor would I push myself as hard as I did.. I know it is harder in the US.. but perhaps there are training schemes or volunteering ones that could suffice whilst you buy some time and find your feet.. Please try not to go for something you will not enjoy.. this is all stressing you out too much and us cancer women need to avoid all the stress we can, I know you know this and were having a good rant here.. but I also knowhow hard this is to deal with and how dreadful it can feel.. Please make life as simple as you can for yourself and breathe freely and deeply.. these times will pass.. and you will look back with pride at how you coped.
Health care reform..WILL happen in the US and you will all be feeling lots better soon and able to get on with better things in life than just worrying about what happens when you get ill.
America is not a backward country and will not tolerate being seen as such by the rest of the civilized world.. This is unstoppable progress.. far strong than governments and politics..
Love you loads sweetest lady... xxxxxx
Halli
What a beautiful prayer and thank you so much for sharing it with us. I know things are hard right now but like Julie said keep praying and trying to find a job and it will come. Things will and are turning around for America.. Big big hugs and love to you Anita......
buttany1
Thank you all so much for your kind and caring words. Even though nothing has changed I feel so much better just having your love and support. Letting it all out also helped. I will keep you posted. Love and hugs to all.
anitaama
I'm glad sharing what you are going through has helped you Anita and I often wish you would write more journals for us to be able to support you better.. Hope it'a a great weekend for you and that you can put the job search away for a couple of days and just enjoy.. weekends are for fun and relaxation.. Love and hugs to you xxx
Halli
Thanks, Inka. I love when people write daily journals and tell us what is going on in there lives. I wish I were more like that. Sometimes I think I don't have much to say or that people would not be that interested in my stuff. I will try to write more often. :-) Thanks.
anitaama
I am always interested in what you write.. you have so much to say and solid opinions on issues that matter.. always looking out for more from you.. Just keep it coming.. xxxxxx
Halli
Hi Anita,
I relate to you in that I don't feel I have much to offer other than my support to those suffering recurrences. I think I'll start writing more journals and stop feeling awkward for being in a remission right now. I have a load of stress around financial problems too. I was hired at McGraw-Hill in May, but I'm still waiting for work! I am not well enough to work outside the home due to diabetes and neuropathy. I have a host of medical issues unrelated to cancer. I thank you for your post because I want to share more about my life here with all of you, and you helped me realize I should just do that. Bless you, Anita, and thanks for your prayer offering. Inka, I'm glad you're so sure we'll have health care reform here--sometimes, I worry it won't happen. tons of love and purrs, to all of you,
Rhoda & Scottie
RhodaM
Rhoda I think you are a very interesting person. I guess we all have our own stuff and personalities that make us unique. We all have things to share. I should not feel the way I do, that people are not interested in my life, and you should not either. For some reason it is very hard for me to share the most intimate details of my life. I have no girlfriends, to speak of outside of DS. No one really to talk to. I am not very close with my daugter which is another story. I am going to try to be more forthcoming. Love to all
anitaama
Whoopieee... Don't ever forget that this is for YOU.. and we are here for each other.. So looking forward to hearing more from you both and anyone else who is holding back.. It's often just a case of sticking your neck out.. I knwo I sometimes wrote things that i thought would put poeple off only to fine that these were the very things people responded to best.. Loving you loads xxxx
Halli
We are a unique tribe, linked by our friendship with Halli-Inka. Life after cancer (whether it returns or not) has been wonderous one year and heartbreakingly challenging the next. What once was is not what it appears as today. This incredible group of women has shown me that HOPE is a journey that has changed me forever. Thanks anitaama for remaining steadfast to Inka, while folks like me have to flit about to maintain the path. =)
kathygump
Anita, I am glad our words gave you some hope and comfort. I too hope for Health Care Reform. I am tired of the Hate Mongers like you. They try to blur or oblierate the truth.
So many great people I have met here at DS, esp OVCA patients and suvivors. I too worry that my life is to boring to write about, but I find many others are intrested. I am always intrested in what you have to say. Like I said, you are a very intellegent person! I hope to read more from you, hopefully with good news on the jobfront. If not, feel free to vent. That is why we are here. I don't know how I would make friends if it weren't for my son now that I don't work. I miss my friends from work, but I need to be off. Maybe someday I will go back, but I think I would rather work from home.
Good luck to you on your job search. I will have Nick say a special prayer for you tonight. - Julie
JulierRae
Anita, after rereading my post, I meant to say, "I too am tired of the Hate Mongers" I hope you didn't think I meant you were a hate monger. I hope you knew what I meant.
JulierRae
Julie I knew what you meant. No worries. Thank you for saying I am intelligent. Sometimes I wonder what lingering effects chemo has had on me and then again there is the age thing. When my kids were little I had a lot of friends. Friends I thought I would have for life. When I got divorced things changed drastically. We were 7 families that lived on the same block. We all had small childern at the time and move in to this very new subdivision at the same time. We were all new to the Houston area and we bonded quickly. We were like family to each other since none of us had family here. We spent holidays together and bbq's on the weekends. We had a blast. Now I go years without seeing them. Some moved away but two are still here. The last time I saw them was when one of the ones that moved away was here visiting her daughter. At the time I had just started chemo and it was my Birthday. I enjoyed the lunch we had together very much. But I have not heard from them since. It has been almost two years. They are all still married and finacially well off. So I guess I don't have anything in common with them anymore. Okay. Another part of my life I am opening up about. I guess that is good. More to come.
anitaama
I know what you mean, friends just drop away. But don't feel like you have nothing in common with them. Sometimes people are just wrapped up in their busy lives, unfortunately. I have some close friends that I haven't talked to in a while because they work, have kids and just don't have the time. They all say, we will do lunch, get you out of the house, but then they disappear .
JulierRae
It is hard being home all the time. I am glad you do yoga. If it wasn't for Nick, I would go to my Bible Study. It looks like fun. I met 2 nice people there. I am sure that your time is filled with job hunting, but maybe joining another group, like a womens's group of some kind would help you meet other friends. Also you could join a support group for those looking for work, and meet people there that you could lean on and help you with your job search. Just an idea. But whatever you do make sure you are comfortabel and no-stressed, like others have said. Again much luck to you in all matters of your life. You are very special to me and I hate seeing you in pain. Love nad hugs - Julie
JulierRae
Thank you Julie, you are special to me too. I love reading your journals. They bring me back to the time when my kids were little. I just recently joined a senior group, for people 62 and older. Only problem is most of them are much older. But I will go. It is every Tues. They do different things. Like last week it was Bingo. This week it is a pot luck. So at least it will give me something to do while I am looking. I do enjoy my Yoga and I still do water aerobics, but have not been in a couple of weeks. I hope to go tomorrow.
anitaama
Hey.. I'm 54 so wouldn't be able to join your group.. humph. hope you find some fun there.
I used to have lots of friends too, like you, Anita, we all had young children and were like a family for many years.. Life is quieter now and I value having fewer friends, but would never wish to be without the few I have. I think once you make the decision to get out there and make a few friends, the rest is easy, as so many good folk are looking for the same thing.. xxxxxx
Halli
I recently dyed my hair because I though the grey hair was putting people off as far as finding a job. I was paid a very nice compliment when I talked to the organizer of the senior club. She said oh you are prabably too young. You have to be 62. I just laughed and and said I was going to be 64 next month. So I guess the dyed hair is working. I very much enjoyed the compliment.
anitaama
Great idea with the hair.. seems like it is already having a good effect.. hope it brings you luck with the job hunt.. Hope you get to the water aerobics and yoga this week all these things will keep your spirits up.. of course the best of all is time with the grand children.. I still don't have any.. but I do have two very lazy pup that have been on their backs.. legs in the air.. on my bed all day.. and I thought I was the one needed to rest.. xxxxxx
Halli
I agree about the dogs. My dog Storm loves it when I rest, as he does the same. I thought that only my dog was a lazy one. He too lays on his back wiht his legs in the air. He is such good company during the day.
Anita, it looks as if you are on the road to both finding new friends and getting that special job. I think the fact that you dyed your hair will have a great effect. I have not dyed my hair since chemo began, and I am sure I look older than my 39 years. I am happy for you as I believe things are looking up. Have faith. - Julie
JulierRae
Dear Anita, your words were so heartfelt and honest. You are so strong and and I just know that life will get better and good things are ahead for you.
Sorry this is so late, I've been working and then visiting my mom in San Diego.
Keeping you in my prayers and sending you a big hug and lots of positive energy! xxx LuEllen
milehighgirl