Journal Entry for August 14, 2008
August 14, 2008 10:30pm
Well He got out almost six months ago (February26). I changed my order in family court so that my son could visit him. I am allowed to drop him off …
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struggling69 
2:43pm, October 10, 2009
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About Me
struggling69
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About Me
Mother of four(22, 18, 15 & 8) Divorced for 14 years. Just ended a ten year relantionship with what I thought was a verbal abuser who when asked to leave tried to stabb me with my two youngest (one is his) in the house who had to call 911. I don't know why after an physical abusive father and husband I just didn't see this coming. Now I'm depressed anxious and compleely out of sorts. My kids and I are all in counseling. The really weird thing is that his in jail awaiting court but I still love him and can't stop thinking about him and how it could be different.
Mother of four(22, 18, 15 & 8) Divorced for 14 years. Just ended a ten year relantionship with what I thought was a verbal abuser who when asked to leave tried to stabb me with my two youngest (one is his) in the house who had to call 911. I don't know why after an physical abusive father and husband I just didn't see this coming. Now I'm depressed anxious and compleely out of sorts. My kids and I are all in counseling. The really weird thing is that his in jail awaiting court but I still love him
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Interests
i've spent the majority of my life taking care of kids and the men in my life. Also have a bachelor's degree that I can't use because I have lupus and arthitis and am sick. I haven't really spent too much time yet thinking what my interest are other than hiding in my house!
i've spent the majority of my life taking care of kids and the men in my life. Also have a bachelor's
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Journal
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Journal Entry for December 9, 2007
December 9, 2007 4:27am
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ME
I was born unwanted and unloved
Growing up feeling the tension and disdain
Getting daily stares of hatred
Somedays beatings too
I looked for love there was none
My Life of bad choices
My life of longing for love
My life of a string of abusive men
My life of finding true love and losing it
The courage to fight for self love and self esteem
Of being with a man deserving of my love
My dreams of happiness
Will it ever come true?
Of a happy family
Loving eachother with understanding and respect
My prayer and wish is that this will come true
Of a two parent household
that both will be terrific role model showing
nothing but loe and respect to each other
I'm I worthy of all this dreams?
Sorry that kinda game into my head this morning. I am not a poet just my real feelins written down. It's funny what PTSD does to you it brings out alot of the childhood memoies as well.
Spoke with mom yrsterday. She's in Portugal she always tries to pretend my dad was a great father you know that stings a bit. this time I tols her to not be blind just because he died. he himself asked me to forgive him way before he died and when he was dying. I'll never have the relationship with my dad that sister did(he didn't abuse her) and it makes me sad. If we had more time we could have built on that forgiveness he so wanted. I love you dad!
Hatred is only another form of allowing others to be in our lives and control us still let it go and find peace within you!
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Journal Entry for December 8, 2007
December 8, 2007 5:52am
Well I went to court 12/4 so that I could amend my restraining order so that my son could receive letters from his dad. M y son has been in a fragile …
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
Snowman
Thank you for thinking of me. I apologize for not keeping in contact.
Hug
Hey lady, just a flyby to say hi and see how you are. Later gator.
Prayer
I see ure not feelin well ..& just wanted to say.. That tomorrows a brighter day Knw always u are cared for ...........& luvd........... And may a smile come with this .............HUGG............ ***KAREN***
Hug
Hi. Thanks. Well, I thought I felt bad before, but it did get worse. I appreciate your thoughts. I will write in my journal as soon as I feel up to it.
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Prayer
May you find the peace and happiness you deserve. Thank you for being a friend, hope to hear from you soon.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
I was sexualy abused by my aunts husband around 4 and physically and verbally abused by my dad until I was 15 and put in a foster home. When I was 14 my dad brother beat me badly. At age 17 I was sexually attacked by a soon to be family member. I got married at 19 to an extremely physically abusive man. The last ten years had been ok. I thought I found "him". We had a major argument long story short out of the blue he tried to kill me with a 13 inch knife and was going to kill himself after.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Love my abuse counselor. Hard to deal with a lifetime of abuse.
- Art Somewhat Helpful
- sewing-illness makes it hard to enjoy
- Leave Not Working
- Still have unresolved feelings. Working on excepting the end of the relationship.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Love my therapist. Uphill battle. Latest event has caused me to have to deal with my past abuse.
- Talking Working / Worked
- I have great friends at DS with great advice!!!
