cich2's Journal

I am feeling very anxious and not myself. i am not sure why.  I am not under any stress at this time.  I am slowly going back to volunteer at the hospital.  I hope I can sort through all of this real soon.  My body just doesn't feel right.  I am ready to scream and jump out of my skin.  I just hope this doesn't set me back into the hospital. I want to so badly stay out and stay focused on recovery.  My therapist is very helpful and I hope she continues to help me.  I also need to help myself.  My mind is not exactly racing, but it is definitely doing something.  I just want to call it a year and start fresh and new again.  I am working on keeping my daughter in line and expressing how I feel to family members.  I am pretty bad at the communication piece.  I don't want to miss any more group or other activities due to my mental illness.  I am tired of being pushed around by certain peopel and try to be happy at the same time.  I rey to deep breath and that helps for a while and then I get the same feelings back.  I need to get up and take a prn before I get worse.  I feel that I am missing out on things because I can't work anymore. I have been disabled due to eyesight and mental illness.  I am working real hard at staying a float here.  I am starting to wear down again and that is not good.  I told my cousin's boy friend something very personal today and he didn't realize that he hit a chord with me. I am not triggered by it.  I just want to keep moving forward and forget the steps backwards.  I am so ready for a vacation away from everybody. I need to have some time alone for a while.  Until next time.