Journal

I didn't really know what I was going to write in my journal today, other than to tell you all that I have not been feeling to great.  I keep getting bad headaches, and I am aching all over, it's rather like mild flu, which I think is the Hep C, and the tiredness is the Chronic fatigue - the two seem to love each other and kinda bounce of each other whenever I am a bit run down.

Then I looked at my messages, and one that I had recieved from one of my many, dear DS friends said what I keep thinking - that I love all you guys so much, but sometimes can't seem to keep up with answering messages, and giving out hugs that mean something, that will let the person know I care.  So I decided to put that letter, and my reply onto my journal here, and hope that you all read it, and know that I am never ever ignoring anyone, and that my thoughts are always with you wonderful people. So here goes, the message I got, and my reply;

The message was this- 

On 11/18/07, 08:59am ******* wrote:
OK I am usually a smart person and can do what is required out of me but for the life of me I can not catch up on giving everyone a hug. I would like to know if it is just me because some of you have so many friends more than me and I would like to be everybody's friend. I don't like to just say "hug to you" I like the person to know I care and that I have read their journal and know how they are doing in their life.

So someone let me in on the secret because I can not delete people just because I have not talked to them in a while because they may be going through hell and that may be why I have not heard from them. I do not get offended at people who do delete people off their list but "I" just can't do it, but I do understand. So let me in on the secret?                                            

------------------------------------------ My reply was-

Aw, you are such a sweet person!
I am the same, I struggle to keep up with all my friends, but that does not mean I am not thinking of them, it is more than likely as I'm not feeling good,and am not on the computer.
I think the secret is just to send hugs and messages when you can, and like you say let the person know that you care.  I am not sure what the secret is myself, other than to try and remember that we, and others are only human, and when you are ill there is only so much you can do.
I would love to be on here every day, letting my friends know I care, and giving them all equal attention, but unfortunately that's not possible.
All I can say to you today is that it was lovely to hear from you, and I would never delete you. I understand if I don't always hear from you, and always wish you the best.
So until next time my dear friend - whenever that may be, I am thinking of you, and am wishing you the best.
Lots of love
Karen xxx
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I hope you all read this friends, and know that the truth is if you don't always hear from me, please know I am thinking of you.

I wish you all all the best, always.

Lots of love Karen xxxxx  

Just in case I forgot to tell you, a quick scribble to let you all know that I am going away for a week tomorrow (Thursday 1st November).  

I don't think I will get the chance to get on-line while I am away, but I will catch up with all of you, my dearest friends on my return.   

  


Happy Halloween to those I haven't had a chance to message or hug, and say it to personally - not meaning to leave anyone out but I've still got my case to pack yet, and it's tea time here in England all ready lol!  I always leave stuff till the last minute!  

 I love you all my dearest DS friends, and hope you all have a really fantastic week.  You will all still be in my thoughts, and I'll be keeping everything crossed you are all as well as you can be.  You guys on here really help to keep me sane, and I'd be lost without you - I don't know how I'll cope for a full week without you all - the only good thing is I will be with my son, Shane Lee, he's my precious angel, and I can't wait to see him!    

Until next week dear friends, goodbye, good luck with everything, and I'll miss you all xxx          

P.S.

Oh and once again HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND HAVE A GREAT AND VERY SAFE BONFIRE NIGHT! xxx                     

So, I am a little bit lost as to what to do guys!!  I found quite a big lump in my stomach a few weeks back, and my friend made me promise to get it checked out, so despite not really wanting to I did.                                                                                                        Luckily it's nothing serious, it seems I have developed a hernia, probably as a result of having my hysterectomy last year, when they cut me from my belly button downwards, and so I was using the upper part of my stomach a lot to get out of bed and stuff.  My doctor wants me to have it fixed as it is big, and she is worried about it strangulating because of where it is, which would then mean emergency surgery.  However I thought that I had done with surgery on my stomach after my hysterectomy - I've had to have 4 previous surgeries because of the endometriosis, to remove that, cysts, and adhesions, and I really, really don't want anymore surgery!  I am trying to think positive and saying to people that the chances are it will be fine and won't strangulate, so there's no point messing with it, but my friends keep saying that I should have the surgery, coz it could happen! Ah I just don't know, I'm fed up of being poked and prodded, and I hate the way a lot of health professionals treat me because of my drug history! It doesn't matter to some of them that I've been clean 3 years, a lot of them have the point of view "once a junkie, always a junkie", and so treat you like crap, and then I'm a smoker and overweight, so I'm not really most health proffesionals favourite patient lol!  

Also I live by myself and so don't have anyone to help me around the house afterwards, I have to pay for a home help to help me with the cleaning and stuff that I can't do already, but couldn't afford to pay someone full time, even for a week.  Does anyone know how bad you are after a hernia repair surgery?  They are wanting to put like a mesh in to keep my insides in lol!      Does anyone know how likely hernias are to strangulate, and wether it's better to leave them or get them repaired?  It doesn't hurt all that much so if it were just down to that I would leave it, but of course I wouldn't want to end up needing life saving surgery!

Other than that I'm having my thyroid tested this next week,  my doctor says I've got a lot of sympotms of an underactive thyroid, feeling cold, tired, dry skin, and putting weight on, and apparently you can be more prone to it with the Hepatitis C, so we'll wait and see what happens with that, fingers crossed that's all ok.

Sorry I've not been on much, I don't know where my week goes to at times I really don't, I only went to the podiatrist one day this week, and to see the doctor the next, and it totally wiped me out!  Chronic fatigue is a sneaky little sod, you think you've got away with doing something at times, but then WHALLOP!!! the next few days it's like someone has taken your batteries out.  Some days I don't even manage to get the computer turned on, let alone sit and write to all you fantastic people. 

I hope you are all ok, and no-one is suffering too much with anything.  Thanks for being such great friends, and I look forward to speaking to you all soon. Hope everyone has a great week.

Much love to you all