vanillabean's Journal

Well today is a bit better so I think I will upgrade the face from horrible to bad.  I got up this morning feeling a little anxious, not bad.  I made breakfast for the family and got them off to work and school.  I feel fine when I have things to do but once the family leaves my mind starts to wander, especially about the possibility of having lupus.  I'm starting to do the negative what-if thinking again which is a trigger for anxiety.  I know that so I am trying very hard to remain upbeat and positive.   I looked in the mirror and told myself, "you're not sick, and you haven't been diagnosed with anything."  I'm re-reading "Love, Medicine, and Miracles" by Dr. Bernie Siegel and am reminded about how vital it is to have a positive mind in the face of any illness, minor or major.  I am a firm believer in the power the mind has over the body.  If the mind can make you ill then it definitely can help you heal.  I'm a person that needs to have control over my life and I feel like I'm losing it once again.  I felt that way with the anxiety and once again I'm feeling it again over the possibility of having an autoimmune disorder.  I think what it will eventually come down to if I even have this disease is acceptance which is true of anything in life.  Once we accept we can move on and take the necessary steps toward healing ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually.   It's easy to tell yourself this but quite a challenge to actually live it.  I won't ever give up.  I will tackle this in the same manner I tackled the anxiety and panic.  I will take good care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually and will leave the rest to God.  My life in his hands.  Now that is what I call trust!