Join Now
vanillabean 
12:04pm, February 20, 2009
Here it is Sunday, four days since Jasper's passing. Friday I woke up and faced my first day alone. The kids went back to school and hubby went back to work. I cried as soon as I walked in the door after taking my youngest to school. As I sat on the couch I kept glancing down at the floor where he used to take his morning nap. I started talking to the space where he used to lie and told him how much I loved him and missed him. It made me feel a little better talking to him. I can't help but feel that he is still around me and still hears me. I finally opened the blinds and put on some music and did some much needed housework. I paid some bills and it felt good to actually get something accomplished. My mom came up in the afternoon and we had a nice visit. I felt good until the evening and then I started missing him again. I remember how he used to go to the garage door every night at about 7pm to wait for my husband. My husband always came home around that time and Jasper knew. I find myself laughing at the time when we moved the clocks back and Jasper would go to the door at 6pm. Hard to explain to a dog the concept of daylight savings. Saturday morning I awoke and felt ok most of the day. In the morning I laid on the rug in my bathroom where he would lie when I took a shower. I sobbed for awhile. Going to the bathroom isn't the same as he used to try and push his way in the door before I could close it or would whine until I finished doing my business. I miss that. We went to my parent's house for my dad's birthday. I was reminded that we no longer had to say "we've got to get home so Jasper can go the bathroom." We didn't get home until after 9:00 and it was difficult for all of us to walk through the door and not have Jasper there to greet us with a toy in his mouth. I didn't sleep well last night but didn't shed any tears when I awoke this morning. I finally threw out his dog food and some leftover dog treats. I threw out the e-collar he had to wear after his surgery that he hated so much. I sorted out his favorite toys and am saving the rest of his toys for the new pup we decided to get today. The puppy will be coming home with us on Wednesday. He's not Jasper's replacement and never could be but we are so happy to have another dog to love. I didn't think it would be this soon but it feels right. I know I still have many tears to shed for Jasper but I know that he would want us to be happy and to give our love to another dog. I'm also working on setting up a memorial for Jasper. I'm going to frame a picture to place next to his ashes and maybe frame a poem. I also want to place a couple of his favorite toys and his collar near his ashes as well. He will stay with us in our family room which was his favorite place. I'm still very sad and miss him so much and I know I will feel this way for a long time.
