susanparks04's Journal

At my last chiro appt (last Thurs 22Oct) I felt the discs at L4 and L5 pop (in a good way) while I was on the decompression table. It was as if my back was being stretched just enough for them to pop out of their compressed state and it felt remarkably better. It was the first time in 6 sessions that my right side is starting to feel a difference.  I have about 24 more sessions to go. 2 per week, 12 more weeks. It's important to ice my back regularly. I'm still working on weaning myself off of percocet. It's not easy but I'm determined to do it. I have 2 pills left. I may refill it one more time just to have on hand when the pain gets really bad. I still take muscle relaxers when I have my treatments so I'm not so stiff the next day.

I will be catching up with that old co-worker by cell phone sometime. I have no immediate need to talk, so whenever it's convenient for us we'll chat. I'm glad he gave me his cell phone number. I still have no desire to see him in person.

I'll be seeing my therapist tonight. I want to talk to her about something that has been on my mind lately. I feel like I'm not living life properly. I feel like I'm waiting for something big to happen, like I'm just passing time and not really experiencing life as the big thing that is happening all the time. I have a daily routine that I feel like I'm drifting along but not really participating in anything big. That makes me sound like I don't have good things going on. That's not what I mean. I know lots of people feel this way. I have to work a job that I'm not really thriving at to make money to pay the bills so I can have a house and clothes and food and all the amenities I want in life. Sometimes I dream of being a rock and roll star and touring the world and making music and seeing fans singing my songs back to me in a  big ampitheater. I still want to spend my days recording music and being in the studio. Sometimes I dream of raising a family and being a soccer mom. Sometimes I want to be a music teacher. Sometimes I want to have days to myself so I can work out and cook and clean without being tired after a long day at work. I don't find being an executive assistant very interesting compared to those things.