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tyzz27 
Its wednesday night here and this is the first time i havnt been to church for the devotion for many months. Tonight Im just feeling like im not worthy of having my prayers heard by anyone let alone God. Ive helped my brother and his family move from their home up to ballarat and I feel like this is almost saying goodbye to them. I cant see me having anything to do with them on a personal basis for quite some time to come. I cant see my mother not wanting to come and see her son, daughter in law and grand daughter if I am driving the 2 hours to visit them.
I feel loike I am having to give up so much lately. Well i havnmt actually given them up as Im still doing them. But trying to give up junk food, pokies and other bad habits. I am at the point tonight of saying screw it alol ill never be able to give up the bad habits so why bother, why live?
I guess Im just in one of those feel sorry for myself moods and I could just curl up in bed on this day that has seen winds of over 100kms/hour and seen torrential rain.
Everything just seems so slow. The police still havnt given anything to my legal team and now I have been told that its possible that the date may be postponed for the hearing if the police do not give my legal team enough time to look at the evidence for themselves. Also spoke to my solicitor today and found out that all casxes are taken on individual merit and even though precedence has been set in one case the best that case could be used for is to argue for justice to be served.
Im feeling like the last 12 months have taken ,e 2-4 yrs back in my healing process. God Im trying to fight as hard as possible for this not to be the case but with nightmares, panick attacks and my yearning to HAVE to do everything for everybody else otherwise im not worthy of existance is paramount atm.
It was good to spend time with my brother and him and my sister in law could not have shown any more appreciation for my assistance. With the payment of meals, ticket back to melbourne from ballarat and then an unexpectant $50 given to me this morning i felt my help was well and truly appreciated.
I know for a fact that Im going to be stuck here with mum for the next 12 months. I might have more freedom to come and go but even still it sucks. I would have dearly have liked to be setting up with my own family and career by now. But oh no, God doesnt want that for me. Instead I have to deal with never being able to have my own children and more than likely hjaving to begin a whole new career.
STOP F****** COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel loike I am having to give up so much lately. Well i havnmt actually given them up as Im still doing them. But trying to give up junk food, pokies and other bad habits. I am at the point tonight of saying screw it alol ill never be able to give up the bad habits so why bother, why live?
I guess Im just in one of those feel sorry for myself moods and I could just curl up in bed on this day that has seen winds of over 100kms/hour and seen torrential rain.
Everything just seems so slow. The police still havnt given anything to my legal team and now I have been told that its possible that the date may be postponed for the hearing if the police do not give my legal team enough time to look at the evidence for themselves. Also spoke to my solicitor today and found out that all casxes are taken on individual merit and even though precedence has been set in one case the best that case could be used for is to argue for justice to be served.
Im feeling like the last 12 months have taken ,e 2-4 yrs back in my healing process. God Im trying to fight as hard as possible for this not to be the case but with nightmares, panick attacks and my yearning to HAVE to do everything for everybody else otherwise im not worthy of existance is paramount atm.
It was good to spend time with my brother and him and my sister in law could not have shown any more appreciation for my assistance. With the payment of meals, ticket back to melbourne from ballarat and then an unexpectant $50 given to me this morning i felt my help was well and truly appreciated.
I know for a fact that Im going to be stuck here with mum for the next 12 months. I might have more freedom to come and go but even still it sucks. I would have dearly have liked to be setting up with my own family and career by now. But oh no, God doesnt want that for me. Instead I have to deal with never being able to have my own children and more than likely hjaving to begin a whole new career.
STOP F****** COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments
Sorry you are feeling like this. I know it's hard. You are worthy of being here and to have happiness in your life no matter what. True friends will walk with you and will never leave. Call on your friends when you need the, I think you know who they are already. You will see brighter days.
mysticrose