FlowerGrl45's Journal

I had an intake at the local mental health clinic and found out I was on the 3 month waiting list.  So I decided to go to the Group they offer.  So glad I did.  Nobody else came that night.  I had the therapist all to myself.  After talking for 10 minutes he asked me if I wanted off the waiting list?  Uh Duhh! Yes.  So I will be seeing him on Tuesday.  Thank goodness.  On top of the pain/frustration issues I really don't need to have a horrid family dynamic that stays unresolved.  I have an adult child problem.  She is 26 years old going on 8.  I bet some of ya'll can relate.  She is my foster child.  I've had her since she was little.  She left home, went to college, got married and ended up back home.  When she was 6 mos pregnant with their second child her husband LEFT. Yep. He packed, and left the state.  Originally she stayed with me cuz she was having a rough pregnancy.  That was over a year and a half ago.  She lives 2 doors down from me. 

She is incapable of being a good parent (In my humble opinion) and I do everything humanly possible for her 2 boys.  The older boy is 2 1/2 and the baby is 13 months.  It took her forever to get up off her ass and get a job.  She sabotages interviews etc.  She wanted to sue her ex for not sticking around. Not for child support..no she wanted to make him pay for leaving her to raise 2 kids alone.  Well...she isn't alone. Never has been.  She has a huge network around her and she uses all of us.  She wanted to go to law school but flunked her entrance exams.  This sent her into a spiral and she got up one day in Feb (2007) and drove off to Arizona.  We live in Kansas.  I woke up to babies in my bedroom and a note.  I told her to turn around and come back and she refused. Talk about Livid. OMG I saw red.  5 days later when her car nearly couldn't make it back she came home.  About a week later.... I got into a screaming match with her.  Yes I said some mean things but I was tired of being used as the built in babysitter and I had to put my foot down.  Instead of apologizing to me.... she slugged me.  Yep.  She did. She punched out a woman who walks with a granny walker and cannot defend herself.  I didn't call the police. I should have. 

I put my foot down and told her I couldn't keep doing the 12 hour babysitting days.  She got them into daycare.   So now I only have them 3 hours or so.  When the boys gets baths it is cuz I wash them cuz they stink.  She sees them long enough to put them to bed at night and half the time she wants me to keep one of them here so she isn't so tired....cuz being a single mom is hard work. 

What frickin work?  Other people are raising her boys. Me, the daycare, another aunt sometimes etc.  She cannot get through a single weekend without calling 54 times for "help" and that is my only break. 

If I tell her I cannot help her out she figures a way to STICK me with the kids.  I finally BLEW UP!

After asking if she could drop off the baby while she went to church (2 weekends ago) I said yes but only for about 45 minutes and that I had stuff to do and she needed to come RIGHT BACK. Ha.

3 hours later she still wouldn't answer her cell phone.  One of her favorite BS games she plays when I have the kids and she wants her freedom.  I finally piled the kids in the car and went to fetch her.  Then... she needed to go to the store to pick up some food and meds.  I know she likes to wander around when she is depressed so I told her to pick up the meds and come right home as I had other things to do.  2 1/2 hours later--- not answering the cell again.  I finally reached her and told her I was in agony and she needed to get home right away.  She stopped on the way home to drop off something with a friend.  She stole 7 hours of MY TIME that day. 

I lost it. I called her an insensitive COW and a Lot of other names.  I yelled, screamed and stomped my feet-- and yes-- in front of the 2 boys. I felt like a heel.  The next morning I got up and made the appointment at the Mental Health Clinic.   I'm done being used. 

I put my foot down. told her no more.  She says I am a f-'ing bitch for not helping her.  How did I get to be the bad guy?  The way I see it... she knows I love the boys and she has used that to her advantage. 

The therapist said if she ever hit me again he would have to report it by law. No worries there. She ever lays a finger on me again and I do call the cops myself.  

I've started saying No... and when she plays her little games I march the boys over to her house and drop them in her lap.  I'm done!! Done Done Done. 

I cannot lift either one of the boys anymore -- I'm too weak. I walk with a cane or walker... and she is gonna abuse me like this. Not anymore! 

She is a selfish, self-centered, whiney spoiled brat and I wouldn't have the kids here at all if I didn't worry for their safety. 

I think at this point I just hate her.  I wish I didn't cuz that seems so mean...and I am a really nice person...but I've been pushed too far.

Any advice?