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Carnation 
I am surprised that I haven't written in this before now, as I am a journal writer of old....ha ha. Writing has always helped me before. Since I cannot share this with anyone, here I be. Having a whole lot of emotions. Also having many ohter health issues, and wondering if they are all connected to this yucky virus.
Ihaven't had any sexual relations with my boyfriend for over a month now. He was the one that gav it to me. That is a long story. He is a wonderful man, and I love him. I know that he did not intentionally give this to me, as he didn't really know he had it. He had a mild infection when he was 19. He is now almost 50. He went and got tested for it, but it came back negative. I shouldn't be having feelings of resentment to him, but they are there. I know they will pass, because he is a wonderful man, and I know he didn't do this intentionally.
I feel dirty. To get this now at my age....wow. Just unbelievable. If my kids knew....they just wouldn't believe it.
I am scared to have any kind of sexual contact, as I said, for fear of it returning.....I am suffering from depression,. but I can fight that too, as I have done before in the past. Right now I am feeling that if people knew....even my closest friends....they wouldn't want to be around me, or touch me....and that if they touched anything in my house they would rush to wash their hands and just be disgusted......
Never ever thkought I would have a contagious disease like this....From what everyone says on this site, these feelings will pass. Right now I am just concerned at what ohter symptoms there are with this virus. What else does it affect? I am suffereing with restless leg syndrome.......big time....and I know that this virus is in the base of our spine....and lives in the nerves, so am wondering if this is what is going on....I know I have to do some more reserarch on this.
All for now journal.....thanks for being there
Comments
Thanks so much. I didn't realize my journal was public, but that is okay. Probably what I needed, was to share those feelings. Nice to know someone so kind as yourself was there for me....How are you doing? How long have you had this?
Carnation
if u dont want ur journal public u can make it private for just u or just friends :)
scdebbie
I could have written this journal entry. My guy (not anymore) is 50, I'm almost 50 and can't believe this is happening either. I already had trust issues and now this just amplifies it! The who and when are killing me.
aguyandadog