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kaylee34 
Here is why I feel surrounded by people who are preg. and it may be why I have been feeling overly emotional. It's hard to see all of them expanding their families and ours just staying the same. I part of me is really happy for them but the other part of me is aching.
Brother-in-law's Wife- due in April
Other Brother-in-law's Girlfriend-aka one night stand---due end of April
Sister is due in September
Best Childhood Friend- just delivered her little boy.
Friend- due in July
Another Friend- due in July
GRRRR!
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Tonight I am just sad & tired & emotional! The pain of infertility has just worn me down. I'm sick of everyone around me being preg. & as much as I love & want a baby I can hardly look or hold them anymore. To top it off read this . . . . . . . (Before I tell the story let me just say I love my family & nieces & nephews but that doesn't mean that it doesn't break my heart when things like this happen). . . My brother-in-law had a one night stand with one of his friends and now she is preg. They aren't planning on dating or getting married -very cool! Seriously!?!? My hubby & I try for years & years and get nothing & he goes and has a one night stand and poof a baby! That is NOT how life should be. Not to mention the fact that my other brother-in-law is also expecting a baby with his wife (this will be thier 5th kid)! I am happy for them but it just sucks that we haven't been given that chance. I sometimes just want to stop trying but I want a child too bad to stop trying. I hate this gloom & doom feeling that I'm having tonight but after years of trying and having no luck it is hard to be possitive........this sucks..... 
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You are not alone in your feelings. I love my cousins kids like there my own but i missed one of their birthdays cause i just couldnt bare to celebrate or be happy for them that day.
Sorry for not writing in a long time-I guess I went through a strange phase where I didn't want to talk about our infertility for a while. Yesturday we took yet another preg test and once again it was negative. I tried not to get my hopes up but they were. This time my outward reaction was good- I didn't fall apart- I was just bummed. Inside however I was breaking. Last night while I was sleeping I woke up seven times crying so hard! I'm not sure what I was dreaming about but I think the crying in my sleep was letting out my real emotions or something. I am just trying to stay strong. Has anyone else experienced things like this?
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I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I have done the same thing. It is amazing how real dreams can be....I think sometimes when you focus on soemthing and think about it constantly, it can roll over into your subconscious. Trying to stay strong is the best thing AND the hardest thing. Nobody will ever truly know the heartbreak till they experience it first hand will they? There are people that care about you and are here to listen.
Past Entries
| November 2007 |
Wednesday, 11/28
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Sunday, 11/25
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Tuesday, 11/13
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Tuesday, 11/13
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Wednesday, 11/07
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October 2007 |
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September 2007 |
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Tuesday, 9/25
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Sunday, 9/16
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Wednesday, 9/05
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Tuesday, 9/04
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I know the feeling.. Thanks so much for your words of kindness on my journal entry sorry I have been away. I had a death in my family but we are doing good. I am also always surrounded with preg people. I hope God will bless us both soon. ttyl Jessica
JessicaBwell