Auzgurl's Journal

Day 4.

It's a holiday here today in Aus. Mr Bush is in town for APEC and so the whole city has shut down. It's quite nice actually TYVM! The only problem being hubby is still very sick.  I do feel a little proud of myself over 1/2 a week and not gambling. The weekend should be fine, i don't usually have a problem with them, so here's hoping for Monday.

I have had so many opportunities come my way today to go. I dropped my DS14 at the mall and stopped for a wander, i had time to myself because hubby was in bed sleeping and other two children were waiting on friends. This would have been a time when i would have had "me" time. I would have got myself all comfortable and given myself a treat with an hour or two...but i didn't.

I browsed, picked dinner, got a coffee and felt free

I had a little epiphany yesterday. I was walking through the grocery shop and I realised i was meadering. I never meader. i am always in a hurry and usually panicky because i have spent the afternoon gambling. Not today. I was able to browse and not hold my breathe when it came to paying for the bill. A good feeling. I thought to myself i must remember this and make a mental note. Perhaps I am just becoming more self aware and not planning my days around gambling.

I watched a film yesterday with Heath Ledger in it. It was a local film called Candy and quite eye opening in the way of addiction. He was addicted to drugs, the film was very candid in showing the progression of addiction and how him and his girlfriend coped with every day life. Everything they did eventually was for their next fix, quite frightening. It was a film, but these days i don't judge, it's all still addiction.  I really want to lift myself out of this hole I've created. I feel as though I am climbing the runs ...slowly...step by step.

Peace and love to all those who have been "talking" to me. How special is that? I hope all your days were fruitful.  S x