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Auzgurl 
7:40pm, September 21, 2009
Hello all - it's been a while since i wrote here and have been meaning to. I check in every now and then just to read. Know my thoughts are with you.
There have been some major milestones with me - firstly I celebrated my first year birthday of being GF! A very good feeling. There was no guilt involved only looking forward. 1 down and a lifetime to go. It was a quiet day just spent on my own but I did buy myself something to commemorate the fact that I had done this and to remind me.
A ring. It is simple and in an ivy design. It is fitting for my new career.
I started my floristry course yesterday. I really felt like a fish out of water in one way as I was way out of my comfort zone, but on the other hand it felt right! We discussed, talked and played with flowers all day. It was wonderful and right up my alley. The course facilatator is just perfect, bubbly and friendly and I am so looking forward to next week. I made a beautiful bouquet and was able to give this to a friend who needed it. - so good. I think this is the main reason why I enjoy floristry so much - it is an industry in which you are sharing happiness, also sadness I realise but somehow with such grace.
I'm going to share something with you...sometimes especially with milestones like this it is ok to look back - learn from the past. ...here is some of it.
LDG 05/07/2008
That was then - this is now
On Monday I celebrated 1 year at GA. There was a cake and a candle. My fellow members knew the significance of the day and they didn't let it slip. I was overwhelmed. It was also a "normal" meeting. Folks shared, there was quite a large number of the group who had busted, confessed and coming back for some support.
One fellow shared. He had been GF for 18 months and it only took one bet to be right back into it. He was back in the madness. You could see he was tormented by it. He looked broken. All the members who had busted were this way - their thoughts were scattered - they looked confused and had lost confidence. I know this WAS me. This could be me if I entertained thoughts that "just this once won't hurt" - I know it won't be "just this once" - In a way it was the best present I could have received. I was hit full on with the knowledge that I am a compulsive gambler - yes in recovery but... there are consequences for this - there is work to be done. I need to continue to recovery each and every day for the rest of my life.
Today my life is very different. It is calmer - my thoughts are freer. I have more energy and more self esteem. I like me and I am living my best life. I have much to give and will continue to do so and just for today - I will not gamble.
hugs xxx
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Comments
Congrats! Congrats! CONGRATS!! Happy Anniversary!! You have been such a Blessing here. Thank you for sharing the before and now message and giving the true meaning to Hope!! A new career journey, How exciting for you. Never forget the inspiration you share and the honesty that the road does not end here and that it will be a forever journey. It is so nice to know that your life is calmer and that your self esteem has grown. So proud of you!! I have been reading your words and encouragement since I came here in January and I had never journeyed through your pics. What awesome pictures!!! What a BEAUTIFUL Family!!! God Bless You and Congrats Again. Love ya, Gina
ksgirl
WTG!!!!!!!
Congrats on such a wonderful year of recovery. You continue to be a shining light of inspiration and hope here for everyone. What a difference a year makes!!!!
Much Love, Dianne
DianneE
It is so wonderful to see the positive changes in your life. Thank you for the update....been wondering if you were going to let us in on the good stuff. lol. Enjoy the floristry course, it sounds like it is perfect for you. Huge congrats on the 1 year mark!!!!! But yes, we all need to remember that one moment of weakness can change everything. I am so very proud of all you have accomplished in this past year....and all you continue to accomplish each day. Biggest ((((HUGS))))) Gretchen.
purplecat
Thanks for sharing a look at your past. I remember that post. It's amazing to see the changes in you!! You give me hope that I can make it to a year. CONGRATS!! You so deserve the happy life you have now, you worked so hard for it! I like the idea of buying yourself a little something to remember this day. Peace and Love. Patty
mrsfroggie
Such a moving and helpful je, thank you for sharing. what is sooo scary is this could have been my je just a few months ago. I think my last day I gambled was March 27?? I gave up on counting it doesn't matter when the last time was just that Idon't gamble anymore/ever. I am sooooo proud of you. You are such an inspiration to many.
Oh I love the bouquet you made how sweet to share with friend.
congrat's
Love ya
Tessa
TKay
What a lovely je. I congraes on 1 year omg you done so very well. You give me so much hope and support over the year. I am so happy for you starting a new career. It will be so nice being around flowers. congrates again, Hugs Melissa
nicky42
You, Suzi, are living your best life! I'm on the same path, and I love it! No more lies, not even to myself, not today, today I will not gamble. Come what may, no gambling will = a best life for me....WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO
Love you always, Robin
Moyer
WTG!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!
I have been blessed watching you grow :)
xoxoxoxoxo
Kimber
Kimbers
Thank you for sharing your past entry. I cannot believe it has been a year since all that anguish and stress was in your life. I am so happy for you that this has now in the past.
You are an inspiration to me. I know I sometimes don't show it however I do take it all on board.
Keep sharing, keep healing and keep on living this brilliant new life you have.
xx
Alison
alzie2