Auzgurl's Journal

Hello my beautiful friends!!!

I just looked at the last time I posted and it was a whole month ago- very naughty me. As some of you may know I have been away in NZ for part of that time. I had two weeks on my own checking in with my parents. I really needed to do this - they are elderly 80 and I needed to know they are ok. They are and it was so good to do so.

The time away was a blessed time of connection and healing. It was just completely the right timing.

I was trying to work out what made this time so different. I am sure it is due to my recovery over the past 10 months. I have found a new strength and a hope in myself and in my God that is truly precious. God is good and so is life.

I have checked occasionally while away but had limited access and so was unable to stay for a while but I am back.

On Monday night I went to my GA meeting, it was so good to be back in "the room" - there were newbies which is good and hard to see. It is good they are there but the stories are sad and so familiar. I will never forget, it keeps me knowing that I need to be diligent in my efforts each and every day and I will continue to be.

One of the hardest things in the meeting we had was one of the members who has been GF for 5 months just had his wife leave him for good with his two young children.   This was hard. We are told when we stop gambling that life improves, it gets better, for him this is hard to see - the consequences of his actions are hard to come to terms with. I will pray for him, he is still strong and working on his recovery. As much as he can't see it now his life will get better. 

I need to pinch myself sometimes at the thought that I am 10 months GF but so aware that I will deal with this addiction for the rest of my days and you know what - that is OK. I did have urges while I was away. I was in my old stompng ground and it was just natural to feel these - but they were almost like day dreams and I "woke up!" - there is too much that I have worked towards and there has been too much healing for me just to throw it all away.

In the next few weeks is a testing time for me. It is when I went "off the rails" last year. This is a time when my husband gets his yearly bonus and there is extra money floating around. I am not focussing on this - it is our hard earned money and not to be wasted. Accountability is the key. It was so good the other night to sit down with him and be completely open with the accounts, there were no lies to hide, just honesty.

On the ME front - I have never felt better ! I have lost 15lbs and feel a whole lot better. 

Life is good and I am living it. My time to shine.

Hugs to all

Suzi