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Auzgurl 
7:40pm, September 21, 2009
Hello friends! My days seem to be really full lately and I have great intent to come and write but I am writing still - different things - a different journey.
Come and find me and my musings at
http://sooznooz-ajourneyoffloristry.blogspot.com/
It's another month of a new life adding up to 13! I am loving it.
23 pounds lighter too ---woohoo.
This doesn't mean that recovery is over for me - far from it. I am truly learning how to life my best life.
Hope all is well in your worlds
xx
Comments
Hello all - it's been a while since i wrote here and have been meaning to. I check in every now and then just to read. Know my thoughts are with you.
There have been some major milestones with me - firstly I celebrated my first year birthday of being GF! A very good feeling. There was no guilt involved only looking forward. 1 down and a lifetime to go. It was a quiet day just spent on my own but I did buy myself something to commemorate the fact that I had done this and to remind me.
A ring. It is simple and in an ivy design. It is fitting for my new career.
I started my floristry course yesterday. I really felt like a fish out of water in one way as I was way out of my comfort zone, but on the other hand it felt right! We discussed, talked and played with flowers all day. It was wonderful and right up my alley. The course facilatator is just perfect, bubbly and friendly and I am so looking forward to next week. I made a beautiful bouquet and was able to give this to a friend who needed it. - so good. I think this is the main reason why I enjoy floristry so much - it is an industry in which you are sharing happiness, also sadness I realise but somehow with such grace.
I'm going to share something with you...sometimes especially with milestones like this it is ok to look back - learn from the past. ...here is some of it.
LDG 05/07/2008
That was then - this is now
On Monday I celebrated 1 year at GA. There was a cake and a candle. My fellow members knew the significance of the day and they didn't let it slip. I was overwhelmed. It was also a "normal" meeting. Folks shared, there was quite a large number of the group who had busted, confessed and coming back for some support.
One fellow shared. He had been GF for 18 months and it only took one bet to be right back into it. He was back in the madness. You could see he was tormented by it. He looked broken. All the members who had busted were this way - their thoughts were scattered - they looked confused and had lost confidence. I know this WAS me. This could be me if I entertained thoughts that "just this once won't hurt" - I know it won't be "just this once" - In a way it was the best present I could have received. I was hit full on with the knowledge that I am a compulsive gambler - yes in recovery but... there are consequences for this - there is work to be done. I need to continue to recovery each and every day for the rest of my life.
Today my life is very different. It is calmer - my thoughts are freer. I have more energy and more self esteem. I like me and I am living my best life. I have much to give and will continue to do so and just for today - I will not gamble.
hugs xxx
UPDATED GOALS
track my progress 1 year
Progress 100%
Encouragements: 2
Add your supportComments
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Congrats! Congrats! CONGRATS!! Happy Anniversary!! You have been such a Blessing here. Thank you for sharing the before and now message and giving the true meaning to Hope!! A new career journey, How exciting for you. Never forget the inspiration you share and the honesty that the road does not end here and that it will be a forever journey. It is so nice to know that your life is calmer and that your self esteem has grown. So proud of you!! I have been reading your words and encouragement since I came here in January and I had never journeyed through your pics. What awesome pictures!!! What a BEAUTIFUL Family!!! God Bless You and Congrats Again. Love ya, Gina
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WTG!!!!!!!
Congrats on such a wonderful year of recovery. You continue to be a shining light of inspiration and hope here for everyone. What a difference a year makes!!!!
Much Love, Dianne
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It is so wonderful to see the positive changes in your life. Thank you for the update....been wondering if you were going to let us in on the good stuff. lol. Enjoy the floristry course, it sounds like it is perfect for you. Huge congrats on the 1 year mark!!!!! But yes, we all need to remember that one moment of weakness can change everything. I am so very proud of all you have accomplished in this past year....and all you continue to accomplish each day. Biggest ((((HUGS))))) Gretchen.
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Thanks for sharing a look at your past. I remember that post. It's amazing to see the changes in you!! You give me hope that I can make it to a year. CONGRATS!! You so deserve the happy life you have now, you worked so hard for it! I like the idea of buying yourself a little something to remember this day. Peace and Love. Patty
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Such a moving and helpful je, thank you for sharing. what is sooo scary is this could have been my je just a few months ago. I think my last day I gambled was March 27?? I gave up on counting it doesn't matter when the last time was just that Idon't gamble anymore/ever. I am sooooo proud of you. You are such an inspiration to many.
Oh I love the bouquet you made how sweet to share with friend.
congrat's
Love ya
Tessa
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What a lovely je. I congraes on 1 year omg you done so very well. You give me so much hope and support over the year. I am so happy for you starting a new career. It will be so nice being around flowers. congrates again, Hugs Melissa
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You, Suzi, are living your best life! I'm on the same path, and I love it! No more lies, not even to myself, not today, today I will not gamble. Come what may, no gambling will = a best life for me....WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO
Love you always, Robin
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WTG!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!
I have been blessed watching you grow :)
xoxoxoxoxo
Kimber
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Thank you for sharing your past entry. I cannot believe it has been a year since all that anguish and stress was in your life. I am so happy for you that this has now in the past.
You are an inspiration to me. I know I sometimes don't show it however I do take it all on board.
Keep sharing, keep healing and keep on living this brilliant new life you have.
xx
Alison
I love my journey - yes it is full of twists and turns - sometimes highs and sometimes lows but I am thankful that today because I am not lost in addiction I feel everything.
There was a time when I didn't - if it started to get through to heart issues I would lose myself for an hour or two - generally the whole day self medicating in front of a mechanical device that was full of empty promises. Then I could face the world - even though I had only added to the layers of guilt and self loathing.
Today I like me - the new me emerging. I like me.
Sorry to be away so long, my journey has taken a new direction - not that I don't visit but I have only had time to read and pray for those who need it. We all need each other and those prayers.
I am about to hit an anniversary in my recovery. On May 07 2009 I would have been gamble free for 1 year and I plan to celebrate. Although quietly inside my head I will celebrate. What am I celebrating? Freedom, freedom and renewed hope and understanding of me and my world. Thankfulness that I have energy to give and love those around me. - I am thinking outside of myself and I like that.
The journey to recovery is a very self absorbing one, it can be overwhelming - and still is when I think about it. I look at myself and evaluate constantly and can be my own worse critic, but there is goodness, that wasn't present a while ago because it was shrouded in so much confusion. I didn't understand myself or the addiction I was battling. I still find it hard to comprehend at times - thinking of why me and all that but I have realised I don't need to understand my gambling addiction to NOT gamble. The first step for me - understanding - admitting - next step dealing with it - not hiding but confronting it face to face. The next step - reaching out to others lost in addiction - helping them understand that life is worth living. I can't admit to have beaten this addiction but I don't think of gambling all the time anymore. The thoughts come in - when free time allows but they don't linger. They go.
I am pleased to say still going well on the lifestyle changes. I am 20lbs lighter and really enjoying the new me. It is amazing how the weight was in a way connected with everything else. Oh what a journey. I wasn't able to get this till I had some time between my first stage of recovery.
I have also decided on a career change. I am going to be starting a course in Floristry. It starts in May and goes for a year. Just one day a week but will mean that I will be 2/3 to becoming a qualified florist after the course, it is hands on and fun, I hope to get some employment opportunities too as my ultimate goal would be to have a shop of my own -long long term goal. The next step is working which will come -
I have always loved flowers and find myself lost in a florist many a day. It's something so completely different to my academic side and somehow fits me. I am looking forward to my time to bloom!
11 1/2 months into recovery and enjoying the ride!
Hugs to all and thinking of you x Suzi
Comments
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Wow Suzi...what wonderful changes in your life. It is so good to see you shining so. Flowers are beautiful, they compliment you well. Enjoy the course....it sounds like a perfect match for you. Congrats on 1 year. The differences we see are fundamentally huge once we are away from the bet for a while. May 7 I will say a toast to you....if only in my head. To watch you struggle so much in the beginning stages to see you flourish in your recovery has been so inspiring for me. Thank you for sharing your path with us. Have a great day :)
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Wow! Very uplifting journal to read before I turn in for the night. Thanks. I know my recent addiction was not CGing, but it clearly has been co-depenency... allowing myself to be beaten down day after day...
I am looking forward to a new day, a new me, freedom. It will come... I know. Just as with your story and the other stories here I read. Very encouraging. It can be done.
Congratulations to your upcoming anniversary and to your beautiful career choice... flowers, beautiful wonderful flowers. Each amazing in their own way.
Thanks for friendship. Thanks for prayers. {{{hugs to you}}} debs
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So you stopped gambling and things improved.........strange, same thing happened to me. (and to a few other people I've met).......lol
Keep up the good work.......you're worth it. Hugs
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Hi Suzi :) Next, I must send you some cyber-space flowers! You sound great! And look great! Keep up the good work...Love ya', Robin
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It's so great that you have come to a new place in your journey and you are content within it. Enjoy all the good things kiddo, you have worked hard and deserve to be contented. Oh ya, and 20 lbs what a super accomplishment...good on ya.
Blessings
Mary
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WTG Suzi...almost a year!!! Your je is so positive..life sounds great for you. A career change..how refreshing! May be just what I need LOL. I'm happy for you..you deserve it all. Thanks for being here.
hugs, Brigette
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Oh wow Suzie you have come such a long way in your like. It is so uplifing for me and gives me so much hope and giving uplift. I am so poud of you. You deseve it all you workes so hard for it. Hugs Melissa
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You are running HOT!
Well done.
Good luck on starting your course. I will be in touch after the hols-they have been busy, busy.
x
Alison
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Suzi,
YOu sound great!!! I am soooo proud of you! Congrat's on 1 year. I took a floral design course, I loved it. never got my license though.
Love ya bunches.
Tessa
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What an encouraging entry! You give me so much courage to contuine my recovery. I remember you when you 1st joined. What a long way you have come!! Keep up the wonderful recovery. The new course sounds wonderful. You and flowers, what else?? Sounds like the perfect match. Peace and Love. Patty
Past Entries
Goal Updated
It's nice to read that you are doing so well. I have noted your writing blog and will go and read your musings..lol..I'm sure I'll enjoy. Thanks for being here,
hugs, Brigette
brigrob
You are doing fantastically!
x
Alison
alzie2
Suzi, I will take a look at your blog (I love my blog). I know what you mean about recovery not being over... while I haven't put a needle in my arm in over 23 years (and do not plan to), I still have to watch myself around prescribed narcotics and alcohol.
You are a very special lady. I am glad I have had a chance to meet you here at DS. Thank you for ALL of your encouragement and for embracing me during one of the lowest points in my life.
Celebrating 13 months with you today!!!!!
Luv and hugs to you Suzi. debs
JordansMomDebby
23 pounds lighter too ---woo hoo.
13 months gambling free...a bigger WOO HOO!
A blog! What? I'll have to check it out...
What great things are happening to all the members of our little group!
xxxooo
Moyer
13 months and 23 pounds WOW!! That is wonderful news! I've seen some of your flowers on Facebook, LOVELY!! I'm go happy for you and that your life is so full of great things. Peace and Love,. Patty
mrsfroggie