My husband and I are very discouraged, …
My husband and I are very discouraged, but we keep praying that it (getting preg.) will happen. I haven't really been …
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parothead 
4:00pm Wednesday
It has been a long time since I have had time to write here and I have missed all my dear friends. Most of you know that my Mother passed away peacefully on Oct 8 at Hospice. It wasn't expected this soon but it was expected as she was only given 6-12 months in July. That was the most painful time of my entire life, I found out I was loseing my Mother on the 21st and on the 23ed found out we had lost our baby. To become a Motherless child and a childless Mother within two days was almost more than I could bear. I cried every day for 5 weeks and still cry every few days now. I am in the process of trying to get het affairs settled, accounts closed and her apt emptied out. My Mother went by "June," her middle name her whole life but as she got sicker and had more DRs and appts I got used to them calleing her "Sylvia" her real first name. Then when she began to get weaker and disoriented I would be the one calling and going to her appts and got used to introduceing myself as "Sylvia's daughter." I feel so bad that I didn't tell her I was pregnant until 4 days before I lost the baby, maybe she would have held on a little longer if she had known sooner or if I hadn't lost the baby. Just some of the questions that will forever haunt me. I had one frozen embryo left and decided to go ahead and cycle with it, for better or worse, and decided to do it before Mom got really bad off. Did I miss that one by a mile. I thought she would get to come out of hospice and come home for a couple of months or weeks at least before her final stay there, but that was not to be. There I was mid cycle, all drugged up with hormone shots and pills when she took her turn for the worse. I made the decision to continue with the cycle that put me doing an FET the day after her funeral. I went for my BETA this morning and am just sitting here praying and waiting for the call. Mom I hope you can hear me and I need a little help today. I love you and miss you so much and I hope you are up there enjoying the grandchild we lost 3 months ago today. I am trying my best to take care of things the way I think you would want me to and to be the strong woman you taught me to be. I will always be so proud to be "Sylvia's daughter" and hope I can be the kind of woman you always wanted me to be.
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I am proud to call you my friend. You are such a beautiful person and I hope and pray right along with you that you get your wish today. Good Luck Sweetie, please make sure you let us know what happens. I bet Sylvia is so proud of her daughter and your little peanut is so proud of you too.
mommyoflily
Reading your entry brought me to tears. I am so very sorry about your mom. If you ever need someone to talk to we are here for you. I pray your beta is positive!
JulesH123
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry about your Mother. I can only imagone how difficult losing two beautiful things in your life almost simultaneously. You are an amazing woman who I am sure your Mother was always proud of. xoxo
bcgradgirl
wow.... mary..... i love the name sivia, i have a friend who named her daughter that they call her sylvie..... i pray you get pos. news tdoay
MLM4
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 5 years ago and it still hurts very much. I hope and pray you get good news today.
kaja2008
Good luck today. I lost my mother too. I understand the pain you are going through.
HopingForOneMore
Praying for you Mary.
JudylynS
Mary, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mother. I am praying with everything I have in me that you get a BFP today. I had no doubt your Mom is watching over you and is very proud you are her daughter. {{{{{HUG}}}}}
Lioness816
I am praying for you also, I am so sorry for your loss
Pattome
I am so sorry for your loss, Mary
Rachm
Your mother is and always will be very proud of you. Not only for who you've become, but who you will be. I applaud your strength and know that you will be blessed. Please take care and continue to stay strong.
Ourgreatestwish
i have been thinking of you..i am so sorry..i will keep you in my prayers!
danabug33
Thinking and praying for you.
FNP
Your journal brought tears to my eyes. I have you and DH in my prayers, I hope you got good news! I am so very sorry about your Mom.
YvonneKB
Your mother would be EXTREMELY proud of you. You're the type of person anyone of us would love our daughter to turn out. I pray for you constantly and I hope...and hope...and hope.
DZiggy