Rachel9165's Journal

I just saw My Sister's Keeper with my friends Elana and Nikita.. Omg, so sad... I got through maybe 40% of the movie before I started crying, and then just bawled my way through.

Today I turned my day around. I got out of bed, which was really hard for me because when I'm depressed I tend to just lie around hating myself. I put some makeup on, threw my hair into a makeshift bun and went downstairs to socialize. My mum was having a card making party... It's when a bunch of people get together and there's pre cut paper and a bunch of stamps and templates and everybody makes the same super cute cards. I didn't have the energy to do more than one card because there were too many people and smiling hurts my face and I feel fake after a while, but I made one and got creative with it and it actually looks pretty sick.

I got my blood work back yesterday, all is well. I was getting tested for what they thought might have been diabetes because I was drinking like a fish and peeing a lot, but I'm all clear and the symptoms are gone so who knows...

Alright well my psychiatrist wants me to start journaling not just about how my day was, but about how I'm feeling right now. I'm not really in touch with my emotions but I'll give it a shot. At the end of most journals now I'll be listing feelings, with a number from one to ten grading how accurately the word describes my state. Kinda lame, yeah, but if it helps it helps.

 So, today....

Hungry (3)

Sad (3)

Frustrated (4)

Motivated (5)

That's all I could come up with tonight. I got new sleeping pills, let's see how these go.