Journal Entry for November 9, 2007
November 9, 2007 12:44am
Well there have been a few reasons for no posts in a while. Given that I am trying to ingrain the habit of being self disciplined about making …
MrOutacontrol 
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About Me
MrOutacontrol
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About Me
Updated 1/23/08 I am married with 2 lovely daughters and an empty nest that seems to have hit me in ways I don;t fully understand. I am a RN working in community health (grew up in the 60's--(the whole thing about "correct livelihood"--). I used to love all kinds of sliding sports, wintertime, martial arts, music (play drums and bass), and tinkering with electronics. Most of that has been on hold the last few years. My outlook on life used to be shaped by Buddhism, but quit up in the air at present. I admire kindness, honesty, and playfulness in a person, and dislike arrogant, judgmental, self-righteous people, particularly when they are in a power position (be it Taliban, evangelical "Christians", GWB, Chauvez etc.). I see gray where others see black or white, but get severely stuck in the gray.
Updated 1/23/08 I am married with 2 lovely daughters and an empty nest that seems to have hit me in ways I don;t fully understand. I am a RN working in community health (grew up in the 60's--(the whole thing about "correct livelihood"--). I used to love all kinds of sliding sports, wintertime, martial arts, music (play drums and bass), and tinkering with electronics. Most of that has been on hold the last few years. My outlook on life used to be shaped by Buddhism, but quit up in the air at present.
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Journal Entry for October 24, 2007
October 24, 2007 1:14am
Let's get creative with a new font.
Tonight there have been a lot of very real people, with very real dilemas exposing some pretty …
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Journal Entry for October 19, 2007
October 19, 2007 10:22pm
The weeks seem to be rolling on like the cars of a freight train, unstoppable, predictable. I have been feeling better in a lot of ways, …
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just wanted to say hello and I am doing okay.
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Hey OOC you know we've had no communication for a month. apparently we don't have enough in common to be friends. I'm gonna delete you. Take care of yourslf. Sandy
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Yes I remember Mr Po and Grasshopper. There was some good wisdom in that show. I would have hated to wear those filmy contact lens Po wore. Catch bug he could not see blew my mind. Sandy
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Ya, I wear bifocals. I've worn glass since I was 12. I was already a geek or dork, whatever. Glasses didn't faze me at all. I was nearsighted. The cane is just something, in my mind, that screams DIABLED. Yes I am less abled aa the moment and I know lots of younger people use canes. Since I'm part English, a walking stick should not bother me. Another adjustment. Take care. You were very blessed you had your glasses on when the tree jumped out and struck you. Glasses are also great on the beach when the sand is blowing! Until the next time. Love and hugs. Sandy
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Just thinking bout you. Wondrin how you are. Love and hugs. Sandy
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Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionepisodes started as a child, not really treated until about 10 years ago. Recent episodes are not so sad, but more like a "dead man walkin"
Treatments
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- delayed-absent orgasm, leaves me mentally clearer than other ssri's at 20 mg, 30 mg makes me sleepy
- Prozac Working / Worked
- worked in the past
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- makes me feel more a failure
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- Who,me--bitter? parents--um, yea. The human one is dead, the other is tolerable only because she's demented. Wife---gained 100lb, went crazy, gained another 150--it's a long story
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- VERY helpful ameliorating the profound inertia/ lack of energy I was feeling when I started it. This effect seems to have worn off. SR kind of jagged, XR smoother but too costly
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- connecting with humans, even in writing, the ultimate
Close Anxiety
edit 1/23/08 I've labeled it depression for so many years, but perhaps anxiety is the real problem, the cause. Anxiety and depression, how well they go together. I've been anxious on and off as long as I can remember. It's only recently that I have been able to identify anxiety as something that isn't "the norm" or "just the way it is". Is the remedy a complete drastic total change in my life? Will the anxiety follow me anyway? Either scares the shit out of me.
Treatments
- Ativan Not Working
- didn't do much of anything
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Worked well, but WAY too easy to become a lifestyle--if I could come to grips with the implications of dependency I would have no problems using it forever---
- Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
- Not sure if it impacts my anxiety
- Meditation Working / Worked
- used to a long time ago, have not been able to follow through lately.
- Physical Exercise Working / Worked
- used to be a MAJOR part of my life, not abe to the past few years
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Xanax Not Working
- useless
