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ffwife 
2:06pm, May 26, 2009
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As everyone knows things have been looking up and looking wonderful. I have managed to control my pain and been able to get a lot of things done that I didn't before. My youngest graduated high school last Wed and I had to be so proud and sad at the same time.
A couple of days ago hubby started drinking way to much and started yelling at me. He even said I was the rpoblem in why my other marriage failed. Mind you getting beaten with a guitar until I lost a baby and then having my kids beaten was enough for me to run away!! He then told me it was my fault that I was brutally raped and I deserved it. That was a nightmare I try to forget but it is there for the rest of my life. He went to work for two days so I thought it would get better but when he got home at 11:00 am he strated drinking and started to fight again. I would just walk away. He dropped me off at Walmart to get new pans for my stove then tried to run me over with the truck. He snuck over to the other store and bought more vodka I didn't know about and continued to drink. He threatend to kill me then himself. When I said I would have my DA come pick me up and I am leaving he said great he will blow a hole in his head also. He was arrested last night and taken to jail then transported to another jail. He called at 4 am to let me know he was coming home. His friend called me and told me he was getting him but to pack a bag so he can get him out of the house. No such luck, he is down stairs asleep but his friend said after he slept he was leaving for his grandparents for a few days. I am calling a marriage councelor that deals with depression and PTSD which he has and see what can be done. I am a mess and I am so lost!! How can someone who saves lifes try to take the one that should mean more?? I was thrown into another attack last night so thankfully I have a DR apt tmrw!!!
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I am here today for the first time in so long. I have gone through a lot since I told everyone the battle was done with SSI. I got very sick again and I have lost 30 pounds but so far still looks healthy so I am ok. (just can't understand how my chest doubled in size, not that Hubby is complaining) I have had a Chronic Migrain for 2 weeks and it just won't go away!! Computer got hit with a Trojan so we finally got that fixed so it won't be so hard to come to the site anymore. My oldest son now lives with me so he can help me out when Hubby isn't here but we got news that he is going blind in his left eye and he is showing signs that I did when I got sick but I won't tell him that yet. Second son is out of bootcamp and now in school for Sub Class in Groton Conn and he is trying to fly here to see me, since it has been 2 years, on Friday and spend the weekend. Daughter is coming Tuesday with her new boyfriend and she graduates the first of next year and will start her job that she has wanted since she was little working in a spa. Now for my Baby, if you could call him that LOL, is now 18 and graduating High School on Wed. He went to the prom on the 9th and then I got a horrible phone call to find out that a man came out of the bar where they stoped for ice cream and pulled a gun on my son and his girl friend. My son played smart and didn't buck up to him since he loves his girl friend so much and noticed a cop car so he flagged it down. The man took off because His girl friend was screaming that they didn't do anything and don't shoot them. The cop heard my son yell that he has a gun so the cop took after him and arrested him. The man was DUI and now has to assualts with a deadly weapon. We go to court Monday because they want to plead him down!!! Believe it or not I have no say so in the matter because AZ says 18 is adult. Hubby took me on vacation and he did everything the same as our first camping trip together. It was great and so much fun to spend my birthday and part of Mothers day there. Funny since we watched the special on HBO about Alzeimers and Hubby finally sees how tore up I am about being sick. I couldn't stop crying about the FM Fog and then when they took one's DL away and she said that she felt like her life was gone because she had to depend on people now and she was used to being independent. He has been my loving Husband since and he really has gotten to the point if I flustered thathe is being an ass he has turned it way around!! Nice to have him back!! I have missed you all and really have needed my beloved friends so I WAS SO HAPPY that the computer is working...
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WOW..... pulled a gun on him?? geepers! so glad he's ok!!! what a night mare! hope the court decides to NOT plead down his punishment! what an ass....
well, it's good to see here again! be well and pat your son on the back for me!
Past Entries
Oh honey, I am so sorry. You do not need this. Unfortunately, if he is not willing to help himself then there is only so much you can do. Take care of you, not matter what that means or how hard it may be. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Lioness816
Becky I am so sorry to hear this. I was so glad to hear in your last journal how things were looking up for you. You are in my prayers and I hope that you guys can figure something out. WIsh I could be there to help you.
Baby_Blues99
Honey, I am so sorry to hear this is still going on. I know your hubby is in a field where this type of behavior is more common. They have to toughen up and repress their feelings to survive in the field yet no one really tells them how to release the stress from all the bottled up feelings. I hope you are able to find the right help and he is willing to participate, his threats are too risky to let go. Good luck!!
Ladydragonfly
you need to focus on making yourself safe. You are an amazing woman and this breaks my heart... you know my number call anytime
babyduckie
well it's like i said before... you need to get out! find a way to get out. he is a lost cause and you should just forget about the marriage counselor route.
bluesun
I agree with bluesun, you need to get the hell out of that situation. Phone a sibling, a friend.. a shelter for women. Please
vellen
Please be careful, no one has any right to speak to you in that way, as the others have said, getting out seems like tbe best thing to be doing.. Good to see you back here, even if it is in horrible circumstances xx
Clanger