Feeling Stronger
September 14, 2009 4:02pm
i'm feeling healthier recently, though my pain has increased, my mobility has as well. I feel much stronger, but also feel very empty inside. I …
Progress
60 %
antari2012
6:50pm, August 23, 2009
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About Me
antari2012
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About Me
I really love and care about women. At the age of 5, I witnessed a gang rape and ever since have been haunted by nightmares and feelings of my helplessness at the time. I want to do anything I can for women for this reason among others. I make this desire to help them and befriend them my life. There's nothing I'm more passionate about. I love making friends with women mostly, since most men are just... yeah. I spend most of my time working out (requires a lot of pain killers), reading, or talking to others on DS. I have fibromyalgia, so I take painkillers for that. I still exercise a lot, since I'm small, and want to make up for it. =PI absolutely love to help out others, be there for them, and become friends with them. I'm a Christian, but I've never been one of the ignorant types that shouts "repent!" in someone's face. I simply live the lifestyle, love everyone, and if someone chooses not to accept Christ, I leave it at that and still be friends with them. Pushing people to believe only shows hostility, and as a Christian, I refuse to be hostile. God has given me the gift of love, and I feel tremendous love towards others. I care so much about women, and always have. I do not go about it in a therapist way, but rather as a friend. I want to be a friend who helps simply through kindness and comfort. That's my goal in life, not money, fame, or a big house, but loving and comforting others. I am often told I'm much more mature than my age. I suppose that's because I spent most of my life in solitude and in thought. Most of my friends are in their thirties. I prefer to talk about serious things, but I can joke around too. Thanks for reading my profile. :) Anyone who needs to talk about anything, please message me. I am never burdened by it.
I really love and care about women. At the age of 5, I witnessed a gang rape and ever since have been haunted by nightmares and feelings of my helplessness at the time. I want to do anything I can for women for this reason among others. I make this desire to help them and befriend them my life. There's nothing I'm more passionate about. I love making friends with women mostly, since most men are just... yeah. I spend most of my time working out (requires a lot of pain killers), reading, or talking
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Interests
Medicine, music, friends, philosophy, science, 3D design, writing, crime (researching it), comedy, psychology, religion, gaming, etc... I really, mainly am interested in someday finding love. I've never had a close-distance relationship, and all my long distance ones cheated on me. I've never so much as kissed, but it's not the physical part I desire, it's the emotional. I want to love someone, I want to cherish someone, let them know every day how much I care... but alas, I cannot get out much anymore, so my chances of finding someone are slim. I pray every day I'll meet the girl I have so much love saved up for.
Medicine, music, friends, philosophy, science, 3D design, writing, crime (researching it), comedy, psychology,
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Rough
September 14, 2009 10:35am
Low on pain killers right now for a few days and can feel the nerves firing constantly in my legs. It feels like a splice between …
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Void
September 13, 2009 6:34pm
I fear I may be in danger of falling into what I feel is best described as the feeling of a void inside of the soul. It's something I made, …
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Finally Understand
August 28, 2009 12:01pm
I've realized over the course of my short life, finally, that your state of mind, what you believe, and your attitude, those all affect the world …
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My Tooth!
August 21, 2009 5:37am
I have had this molar checked out 5 times, 3 of those times it was even "fixed," but it still hurts so much! It is the molar that I cracked …
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Hugbook
Hug
Hope your okay. If your profile page is right you havent been on in all most a month. Hope you have just been resting or have been busy or maybe have computer trouble? Hope it is nothing serious. I dont know how much longer I will get the computer for but we should start getting it back every week or so and then Sadie is moving in around December 12th and then we will have it all the time. Let me know what is going on as soon as possible. You have my cox e-mail address and I always check that first when we get the compter back each time.
Love you! Big Bear Hugs!!!!!-
Hug
Still no you. Will check back again in a few hours or so to see if you are on or have been on. If you do get on and get this and know of a time you can get on will you leave me that time in a hug or something? Were only an hour a part so it shouldnt be to difficult for me to figure out if I get on here in time. I will probably get on again at 5 my time 6 yours. Love you.
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Hug
Am really worried right now. I just looked and I have no messages from you which is not like us AT ALL. Are you okay? I hope your just busy....I'm really worried....but you told your mom to e-mail me if something really bad happened to you right?
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Little Love
I have the computer finally! I will have it all day tomorrow (Friday the 13th) so hopefully we can catch each other on. I have so so so so so much I want to talk to you about and pick your brain on. Oh, and the reason it took me so long to get the computer was because Sadies broke! She got it fixed thank god so here I am! And she is moving in with us next month so I will have full access to a computer again! (well when she is not on it or does not take it to school).
Love you -
Little Love
I have the computer finally! I will have it all day tomorrow (Friday the 13th) so hopefully we can catch each other on. I have so so so so so much I want to talk to you about and pick your brain on. Oh, and the reason it took me so long to get the computer was because Sadies broke! She got it fixed thank god so here I am! And she is moving in with us next month so I will have full access to a computer again! (well when she is not on it or does not take it to school).
Love you
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Photos
antari2012 hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
For so many reasons, I do this. Sometimes I don't even need to be down.
Treatments
- Outpatient Treatment Program Not Working
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- I realize that no one knows what my mind is like unless they share the illness.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- There's one girl who shares my story, and she is why I keep breathing.
Open Bipolar Disorder
Treatments
Open Depression
Treatments
- Celexa Not Working
- Meditation Not Working
- Mind is too unstable to focus.
- Positive Thinking Not Working
- If I could think happy, I wouldn't even be depressed.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Nice to share with someone in person, but that's about it.
- Seroquel Somewhat Helpful
- Just helps me sleep.
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- They love me, but nothing seems to help.
- Zoloft Somewhat Helpful
- This is the only one that slightly decreases my violent outbursts.
Open Personality Disorders
Type: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Treatments
- Talking Not Working
Open Teen Sexuality
antari2012 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Rape
I witnessed a rape at the age of 5, and ever since have had nightmares of helplessness, and flashbacks. I've become very concerned about women now, and I make it a point to comfort and befriend them, and do anything I can to help.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
antari2012 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Schizophrenia
Treatments
Open Shyness
I have a deep shyness when it comes to coming into physical contact with girls. I'm talking about an extreme level, to the point of causing me to freeze up completely.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Self-esteem Working / Worked
- Self-help Somewhat Helpful
- I have confidence I didn't have before. I believe I can overcome anything if I truly set my mind to it.
