A lot of teenagers have many things going for them: good health, good social life, and some really great times experimenting with relationships. One thing that almost every teen has to attempt to deal with at one point or another is breakups. You know, to be honest, I was never amazing with breakups. I have yet to find a teenage girl who really is. I've had the worst of the worst, resulting in endless tears and too much cookies and ice cream. I've also had ones that were totally low key and I found myself rather happy with the outcome. They aren't always the crash and burn, end of the world disasters that are in all the chic flicks out right now, but it's still a very confusing time.
A lot of the time, adults try to offer advice on our relationship issues, and I sometimes find that their words of wisdom can be very valuable. After all, they've lived longer. But there are times when I don't find what they have to say all that helpful. They clearly want to see us happy, but it also often seems like they underestimate how upsetting breakups can be and secretly think we're being melodramatic.
That's why I've found that it is most helpful to learn from a blend of peer advice, mentor guidance, and personal experience. After a pretty bad breakup, I'm always left feeling lost and wondering what I should be doing. Generally, I find that the best thing to do is get over your ex significant other and get yourself back out there.
Yes, I know what you're thinking-- "That is much easier said than done," and I completely agree. Serious breakups are NEVER easy, but I have a few tips that might ease the burden. In chronological order:
1. Have a moping weekend - crying and binging on your favorite junkie food is totally normal. You need a mourning phase and that's definitely understandable. Get every depressing feeling out - watch the Notebook, raid your fridge, and cry your little hearts out. However, and this is very important, after that few days of seemingly everlasting sadness, you need to start going out and being yourself again. No more pity parties.
2. Give back (or burn if youre feeling particularly spiteful) all of their stuff that you still have. No more wearing their clothes to bed, no more looking at pictures of you two at the baseball game, and no more keeping their number in your phone. They will only make you upset in the future and it's always necessary to keep any remnants of them out of your life until you achieve closure. That could be days, weeks, or months, depending on your relationship.
3. Have fun with the people that care about you- you're friends and family will be very helpful during this time. Go to fun parties with your best friends, have a good, old fashioned sleepover, and spend some quality time with your family. They will get your mind off of the stuff you're upset about. Although the breakup may have broken one relationship, it can actually make others stronger by forcing you to focus on them. Good things can come out of the bad.
Believe me, I know how hard these times can be and to be honest, I have probably hit rock bottom during breakups. But if there's anything I've learned, it's that the best thing to help in this position is time. Sometimes it seems like it's never going to get better. This person has been a major part of your life and now they're just gone. But things will get better. Think about it this way: if it didn't work out, then it wasn't meant to, and you will find someone even better along the way.
- Zoe Oz
Editor's Note: This is a guest blog written by Zoe Oz. You can read more of her blogs and become her fan on teenDailyStrength, a new community for teens. Check it out and post a question in a teen Support Group!