Susan Quinn
Therapist
Susan Quinn has been serving in Beverly Hills for over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and Life Coach. She combines the mind-body and energy therapies such as EMDR, EFT, and Somatic Psychotherapy. These approaches help people clear…
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Women With Full Employment Reduce the Risk of the Cycle of Domestic Violence
35
Posted in Children Of Div... by Susan Quinn on Jul 14, 2011
Children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to create relationships for themselves where they are abused; else they often become abusers themselves.

This is because the cycle of violence often repeats throughout the generations in a family. A study published in Science Daily recently shows that resilience was higher in children whose mothers were employed full time and they were less likely to develop PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) from witnessing domestic violence.

If the child is less affected by domestic violence in the home, there is less likelihood that the children will carry on the cycle of violence in their lives either by being a victim of domestic violence or a perpetrator.

When the mother in a domestic violence family works full time she has more power and is therefore less likely to succumb to being victimized.

Often the victim won't leave because they don't feel empowered that they can support themselves either financially or emotionally. This allows the domestic violence to continue.

The key to ending domestic violence is to empower the victim, which is usually the woman or wife in the family, although in some cases it may be the man.

The truth is that the abusers are in a cycle as well. They feel abused themselves (and usually have been victims of abuse in their childhood) so they need to put others down in order to feel powerful (or even okay). They are usually cowards when they come up against someone more powerful. They have the angry outburst of abuse and then afterwards, they feel even worse about themselves because of what they have done.

Empowering women by helping them become employed full time in meaningful jobs, as this study shows, is an important step in rebalancing this imbalanced power structure that perpetuates domestic violence.

- Susan Quinn MFT


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MEMBER COMMENTS
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Displaying comments 35-16 of 35
35
WRONG ANSWER. You're just another female chauvinist who refuses to accept reality: WOMEN BATTER MEN AS OFTEN AS THE CONVERSE. Check out Martin Fibert's compendium of domestic violence findings:
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assa...

And Law Professor Linda Kelly's paper: "Disabusing the Definition of Domestic Abuse: How Women Batter Men and the Role of the Feminist State"

http://www.law.fsu.edu/journals/law...
By ESF  Oct 20, 2011
34
Oh and just for a P.S. Be careful not to pass an opinion off as truth. Truth is a powerful word. Truth can be proven. Opinion would be a better word to use than, THE TRUTH.

The truth is that the abusers are in a cycle as well. It is an opinion, not a fact.
By Tamehau  Jul 20, 2011
33
Susan, are you a member of Physical and Emotional Abuse forum. I bet I can count more than 86 people in that group who works full time or worked full time while with their abuser. Please feel free to come to the group and take a poll. Leaving an abuser is never easy. Its the most risky thing an abused woman can do. I don't care if she is rich. Leaving an abuser literally puts many women at deaths door.
By Tamehau  Jul 20, 2011
32
THE Bible states that when we die, we will not know that Earth exists or where we came from, so I will NEVER know FROM GOD or understand WHY us kids were put in the VIOLENT ENVIRONMENT & WHY WE WERE NOT EVEN RESCUED!!!
By energylost  Jul 18, 2011
31
When I was a kid, I came from a small family background, after dinner, and it was time for my bedtime, that is when the fighting between my parents had started, which the arguing and sounds of body slaming against the wall, is what woke me up from sleep. My parents used to fought over hospital bills, and about me. I caught my dady with another woman, and from that time point my marriage was in trouble. Due to my mother's poor health, the doctors said that she wasn't allowed to go back to work, and so it made her more of an easy target, just waiting for my Dady to come home to push and smack her around again, but he only became violent, when he started drinking. My mother was the victum everytime, I was too little to stand in between them to break up the fight at home. Next door neighbors and the police had to help.
By Rhonda7  Jul 18, 2011
30
Men are born with anger and feel that beating up someone, anyone -- is the way to express their anger!!

Someone needed to come along and beat my dad up but my Mom's brothers had no respect for her staying with a man like that so she ended up with no family. She had 6 siblings and nobody to go to for help.
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
29
I spoke to my Aunt in 2009 and I found out from her that my dad beat his sister up when she was 14 yo because she came home with lipstick on.

I wish they had warned my mom. My Mom deserved a better man.
There is 3 of us left so the 2 of us have not seen him since my mom passed. He's lonely and wants to see us, now is his time to reflect on what he did --wrong!!
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
28
Men with a short fuse should get fixed!!

They shouldn't be able to have kids to put in that environment. they know that they have this anger that makes them want to beat up a women and still they have an urge to get involved with a women!!
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
27
I understood at a very early age that my mom was never going to leave him and she would subject us to this bad life that she brought us into. She never learned to stand up to him, it was us kids that were subjected to get between their fights so he -- wouldn't kill her.

My brother almost killed my father and she actually begged him not to. I wish my brother had killed him. My older brother had the ironing cord around his neck to try to pull him off of my mom, my mom got up and begged my brother to stop. We could have been free -- from the abuser!!

This is what weak women cause children to do!

We later got punished and were told to stay in our rooms for the rest of the day.

Life would have been more pleasant if CPS could have taken us a-way from both of them. My Mom wasn't strong enough for 5 kids!!

I don't understand why God brought us together!! And I will never get to
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
26
My sister used to beg my Mom relentlessly to leave the ole man --she would respond with just laugh. She never took her seriously. My sister quit speaking to her and treated her like she didn't exist, I guess that was the only kinda retaliation she could do.
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
25
It is so wrong that women STAY in this kind of environment. They cause all the problems LIKE BIRTH CONTROL. NO kids need to be in that environment!! And then they usually make too too many to be able to get out and then there is no room to go back to her parents' or for anyone to help her with ALL OF THOSE KIDS.
By energylost  Jul 17, 2011
24
I have known from Day One in our marriage that I earned a higher salary than my husband, and now that we are retired, I have a higher pension. I have always known that if things went south (they haven't in 20 years, but you never know) I have the resources to just walk out that front door and keep on going if I need to. (I don't WANT to, and I hope I never NEED to, but still, I CAN.)

It makes you a LOT more resilient than you would be otherwise. I raised both of my daughters to be strong self-sufficient women. One listened. One didn't. Predictably, the one who didn't is a MESS.
By madbookworm  Jul 16, 2011
23
The more I think about it, the more I am angered that DS posted this nonsense. First of all, if a woman is working and in an abusive relationship....chances are she's the sole breadwinner. She is NOT empowered.

But this stupid article did not even consider the myriad women who are afraid to go to work. Afraid if they leave the house their children will be harmed, or worse...disappear. I'm not overstating this. I lived it...I went to work, I was the sole breadwinner, and every day I worried about my son coming home from school to his abusive father. Would I rather not have gone? YOU BET.

It is TOTALLY irresponsible for a person who is supposed to be an "expert" to encourage women to leave their children alone with an abuser. This article empowers the abuser, not the abused. Put the women to work, give me the kids to be victims....

ARE YOU KIDDING?
By hockeymom5592  Jul 16, 2011
22
I clicked on the link that said ‘Study Published in Science Daily’ hoping to find the actual study but it was just an article. I did find the actual study (I think) as a link but one must purchase membership into the society to obtain and read the study. I am a Stay-at-home-mom with no money so this study is not really available to me. The overview of the study states that it was done with 68 women who were exposed to domestic violence as children. The study was actually (I think, judging by the very little published for public consumption) measuring the resilience of women who grew up with abuse and their measurement of PTSD. Again…68 women, as far as I can tell there was no ‘control’ group for the study or group of people with PTSD who did NOT grow up in abuse. In my opinion, it looks as if the study was not done scientifically or responsibly. It seems skewed at best.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
21
The idea that children will be more resilient adults because they were abandoned by overworked abused parents is from the dark ages. I would trade all of my ‘resilience’ for memories of a stable childhood where someone was around to see and mirror my hurt.
Education is the key…not excuses and not some bright happy twist on the effects of abuse.
Resilience is only good for the next time I get knocked down.
I would have preferred an available parent.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
20
My mother was the abuser in my childhood. My father was kind and gentle and worked full time. He was absolutely powerless to stop the abuse. He left me to fend for myself while he self-medicated his troubles away with work and beer. I have struggled with PTSD all of my adult life and much of my childhood. I also continued the cycle of abuse by marrying someone just like dear old mom…..
I think what could have saved me is the non-abusive grown-ups being educated about abuse. An open dialogue in society about abuse would have helped. My non-abusive parent might have saved me if it weren’t the norm in society to hide, and excuse, and enable his and my abuser.
What Alice Miller called in her book ‘The Drama of the Gifted Child’ an Enlightened Witness.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
19
Maybe the study was right about these 68 women not having higher “levels” of PTSD but what we don’t know is, if they are truly mentally healthy or if there is narcissistic disturbance in them or other mental health issues commonly missed by the mental health community. I KNOW it is nearly impossible to diagnose certain mental illnesses and VERY easy to hide ones abusive nature or the fact that one is being abused. 68 women in a study that appears unprofessional and extremely irresponsible…I hope no abused woman takes this article to heart and goes out to get a job because it might make her children more resilient as adults, after a lifetime of abuse and neglect…….
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
18
And I have never been abused by someone who had any feelings of remorse for abusing me. They took twisted pleasure in abusing me. They were not sorry. They are incapable of feeling empathy for others. Diagnosable and untreatable. And I am not responsible for their misery…nor can I fix it.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
17
One other thing that I found personally offensive about this was the suggestion that abusers deserve understanding and empathy for what made them that way. Maybe so, but certainly NOT from their victims! A victim of abuse needs to know that they have every right to care about themselves and the children FIRST and MOST. NOT that they should try to understand an abuser.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
16
When I first started reading this article yesterday morning, it upset me so badly that I had to log off of DS and find something else to do because I was upset. I think the title put me off. What the title of this article said to me is that abused women should stop trying to protect the children from an abuser and abandon them for a full time job instead. The kids will be fine left to fend for themselves. In fact, the children will grow up to be more resilient! YES, people who were witness to abuse as children (thereby abused and neglected themselves) really DO grow up to be more resilient because they have been forced to fend for themselves their entire lives. It is also FACT that unless there is major healing and intervention … these children of abuse will likely grow up to continue the cycle of abuse.
By Twirlergirl  Jul 16, 2011
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