I have a friend who just turned 40. She is divorced and she and her ex never had kids. She is really feeling the ticking of her clock, and I have been discussing options with her: trying to figure out a way to quiet the ticking in her head, give her some options.
She is contemplating the egg retrieval process, which allows her to extract her eggs now and then freeze them for the future. Her FSH is low (this is good), and her eggs are still in good condition. She is involved with someone she cares about very much, but the relationship is still too young to know what might happen. She is considering freezing her eggs now, so that later down the line, if she and her boyfriend commit, then she has the option of going through IVF with her own eggs.
If this guy isn’t “the one” and she finds her mate later when she isn’t able to carry the baby on her own, she still has the ability to have a surrogate carry a fetus of her eggs and her mate’s sperm. Sure, going through egg retrieval is expensive and time consuming, but she would be able to give herself and her partner options down the road that they wouldn’t have if she didn’t freeze her eggs now.
One girlfriend of mine had the financial means to go it alone. Not everyone has this option, but she did. She went the sperm donor route, went through IVF, carried the baby herself and is a single mom. She also has a strong support system with her family nearby, and that is a huge help. She really felt that having her own baby was something she couldn’t do without in her lifetime, and although it would be ideal to have a mom and a dad, I think having a mom who wanted you more than anything else in her life would be pretty great.
My husband and I, after trying for years, and then having multiple miscarriages, were able to come to peace with the fact we might not be able to make our own baby. It took years of infertility, and knowing we had tried everything, to allow us to be able to accept that I might never experience being pregnant. When we got to that place in the journey, we looked into the beautiful possibilities of adoption. (We were in discussions with a birth mother in Texas when I found out I was pregnant with my second son).
There are so many ways to create a family. I just hope she has the chance to do any one of these; I know she would make a great mom.