"I cannot seem to concentrate on anything other than our infertility problems. It seems the topic of every conversation now. How do I keep from driving myself or my spouse crazy?"

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a stressful time. I remember how that feeling sinks into every crevice of your life. After trying for years to get pregnant with my first son, and then three miscarriages after my first boy was born, I know how hard it is to think about anything else. It takes over all your thoughts, all your conversations with your husband, each day is some point in your cycle you are marking off with a pen: it can be maddening.

After a few years of trying, and worrying, and doctors who couldn’t find anything wrong, my husband and I just couldn’t take the uncertainty of it any longer. So we sat down and talked about what we really wanted. It was a family, whether it was our children, or adopted children. We had the resources to try IVF a few times, and if it didn't work, we had chosen an adoption facilitator. We were going to be parents one way or another, and I felt like 4000 pound weight had been lifted. We were able to stop talking incessantly about having a baby, we just knew we would follow our plan, and we would have a family in the end. Things got easier, we laughed more, like we used to, and every little thing wasn’t about our infertility.

I know this is SO much easier said than done but:

1) Try to make an end goal and set out with your husband what you are willing/able to do. Is it biological children only? Would you consider a donor or surrogate? Would you consider fostering or adopting? If you are able to decide in what ways you would be happy putting together a family, then your options are clear, and you can begin exploring those other possibilities.

2) Remain focused and positive. In all this uncertainly, your attitude is probably the only thing you have control over.
Ask yourself what is it that has kept you motivated so far. What were the thoughts, dreams, hopes you had when you first started to try to get pregnant? Write them down. Try spending time with a friend's child for an afternoon, and see the world with them for a few hours. Talk to your DH about the things you want for the family you are going to build. Try to renew the energy for going through all of this by reminding yourself of the immensity of the joy of the end result. Tell yourself this can be done, you have not exhausted all your possibilities yet, and until you have, you are not going to quit.

Of course, there are lots of different types of support groups that can help as you go through all of this. The women here on DS in the infertility community can be of tremendous help, just talking about it can make all the difference. Ask at your doctor’s office if there are any support groups they can recommend in your area, also.

I wish you the best of luck, and please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
Lee