Infertility Blogger
Lee Trask is an advocate for women dealing with issues of infertility and miscarriage. Having struggled through more than six years of infertility, three miscarriages, and high-risk pregnancy, she is now happy raising her two…
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Handling Stress When You Aren’t Getting Pregnant: It Helps to Have a Plan
Posted in Trying To Conce... by Lee Trask on Mar 14, 2013
I’ve been writing a lot of posts lately that are specifically medical in nature. I do a lot of research, from a lot of different medical journals, and try to summarize those which can be, in the nicest of terms, rather dry.

So while I will continue to write the more clinical posts, I thought that one about my own personal experience with unexplained infertility, and the stress it caused, would shed a different kind of light.

Let’s start with my first pregnancy; before the multiple miscarriages, before my two boys, and before any of the medical intervention, multiple doctors, sperm testing, surgeries, etc.

My husband and I started to try to conceive our first child in my early 30s. Oh, it was great fun at first. And I thought I’d be pregnant within a few months. But those months went by, and turned into a year, and still no baby.

After a few years of trying, we were beginning to think we wouldn’t be able to conceive. My husband and I had every test done, and all results were normal. I bought an ovulating prediction kit to help the process and make our “timing” more specific, and I got a little stressed about it all.

Each month that passed increased my worry, and decreased my hope. And it affected my husband, too. At one point, he punched a hole in a wall. I had a wonderful OB-GYN who instilled a boatload of positive attitude and confidence that it was only a matter of time before we got pregnant. We went through IUI and clomid for 6 months - without any luck. I had an HSG, and then I had laparoscopic surgery, and everything again, was “fine.” That was supposed to be good news, but I was almost disappointed that there was no reason to be found and fixed.

I got more stressed out. By this point, my head was, admittedly, a mess.

I remember people telling me to “relax” about it, and I absolutely wanted to punch them in the face. There seemed to be no way for me to make myself relax about the process…it was all I thought about, like I had my own personal black cloud that followed me around everywhere.

We finally started the IVF doctor interviewing process (more stress) and decided on one. He assured me that since all the tests were normal, I was an excellent candidate for IVF and that he was confident I would be pregnant soon. My husband and I decided we’d try two rounds of IVF, and if that didn’t work, we were going to start the adoption process.

One way or another, we were going to be parents. I calmed down for the first time in a few years.

The doctor told us that all we had to do was to wait for my period so that I could start my shots. But my period never came. I got pregnant that month, without looking at what day we had sex, or knowing when I was ovulating, or taking medication, or having ultrasounds. It just happened.

I have zero medical back up for why this happened to me, I just know that the relief I felt after finally having a plan (successful IVF or adoption), was palpable. There was no way to reach this level of acceptance any other way, and there was no way to speed up the process. So what is the take away from this post?

It helps to have a plan. I didn’t know at the outset what the steps were in between TCC and not being able to get pregnant, or what the options were after that. Maybe if I knew the path from beginning to end, I would have felt more in control, which was possibly the hardest and most stressful part.

- Lee

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I have PCOS and it seems to cause me to either not ovulate or not have a period for several months. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for I think 5 years now. After numerous tests, taking clomid, provera, and even thinking about adoption, we kind of stopped everything. It was very stressful. Then 2 years ago, I finally got pregnant with no medications. But I had a miscarriage. Talk about more stress and more heartache. I was angry. My husband was upset but realized since I can get pregnant, he became positive it will happen again. But month after month and nothing happens. Now I am taking Metformin and still nothing. How can you stop "thinking" and stressing about it when that is all you want to be happy; to have a complete family? Adoption and IVF is out because there is no way we can afford it (unless we sell our house and live out on the streets). I think its hopeless.
By MommyLuvsU  Mar 28, 2013
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