A member recently wrote asking:
"I had a miscarriage about 6-7 months ago, and I never talked about it much because I didn't have the courage to admit to myself, or others, that I was wrong for the feelings I was having towards the pregnancy. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and because of that, during the first 4 weeks I had registered it as an unwanted pregnancy in my mind, leaving me to feel guilty and it's killing me now.
The idea never crossed my mind until I thought about my 2nd pregnancy where I had a real bad case of depression and I wanted to kill myself. I had so many suicidal thoughts running through me.
I felt that because I was having all these "unwanted" feelings running through me, my body itself began to reject the baby, and I felt that's why I lost the baby. Is this possible?
We've also been trying again, but to no such luck the last 6 months, and I'm afraid I might have these feelings again, is there anything I can do to prevent them?"
Whether or not the pregnancy was planned, losing a pregnancy brings up all sorts of unexpected feelings. The mixture of relief and sadness that you described is perfectly normal.
Your miscarriage could have been caused by a chromosomal abnormality, (according to the March of Dimes, more than 50% of first trimester miscarriages are due to abnormalities). Negative thoughts about your pregnancy were not likely a factor at all. If thinking negative thoughts could cause a miscarriage, just think of all the women who could end their pregnancy by themselves if all they had to do was think about how badly they didn’t want to be pregnant.
You mentioned that you were depressed after your second pregnancy. It is possible that you were suffering from post-partum depression
. Suicidal thoughts, and even thoughts of harming your newborn baby are not uncommon if this is the case.
If you and your husband continue to try for another pregnancy, and are unsuccessful after 12 months, you should see your obstetrician to discuss the possibility of secondary infertility
, (the inability to become pregnant after already having one or more full term live births). There are tests that can be run to determine what steps can be taken to improve your chances of becoming pregnant again.
If you are concerned that you might have to deal with depression again during your pregnancy or after, speak with your obstetrician about it. Hormonal changes during and after pregnancy can cause emotional turmoil, and can be treated. Also, if you would like to talk with a professional about your feelings surrounding your miscarriage, the organization Helping After Neonatal Death is a wonderful resource. They can help you find support groups and counselors in your area