A member sent me a message yesterday about how to handle her upcoming due date. She miscarried 6 months ago, and is fast approaching the day that her baby was supposed to be born. She thought she was “over” the miscarriage, and is surprised by how much she is dreading her due date. I think what is so important to consider is the scope of the loss. It’s not an event that passes easily or quickly, and grief about it can be triggered long after you feel that you have “moved on”.
It is perfectly normal to have these feelings long after the miscarriage, or any loss. The day you were supposed to meet your baby will bring all sorts of emotions with it. You didn't break a bone, or catch a flu, that once physically healed, leaves no trace. You lost all the hopes, dreams and anticipation of what that little boy or girl would be in your life and in this world, and that is no small thing. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself permission to grieve when you are ready, be that right after the miscarriage, or months past it. Respect the fact that you have suffered a great loss. Your family and friends may not understand why you are upset because so much time has passed, but any anniversary can bring emotion with it, good and bad.
There is no running from your due date, so maybe planning something special for that day will make it easier to face. What can you think of that would honor you baby on that day? Can you plan to be with people who will support you, or perhaps you would rather spend the day quietly by yourself? I know women who have done everything from buying a stuffed animal for the baby to getting a tattoo...whatever seems to feel right to you. Cry, scream, write, go to the gym, get a massage, whatever makes you feel better, do that. You have to let your heart heal, and that can take a very long time.