Licensed psychotherapist Julie Hanks, LCSW was recently recognized as the number one online depression influencer by Sharecare for her extensive work promoting mental health resources online. Hanks has over 20 years in the mental…
New research by Tracie O. Afifi, PhD. at University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, suggests that physical punishment, without other forms of maltreatment such as emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence, are linked with higher rates of mood disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, co-dependency, and personality disorders. Based on this research Afifi and her colleges estimate 2-7% of mental health problems in subjects could be attributed to physical punishment (Source).
Try these tips when you feel like using physical punishment with your child:
1) Focus on relationship
What inspires good behavior is a positive relationship and healthy emotional management tools. What is the purpose of my child’s poor behavior? What are my child’s underlying need and feelings? How can I help my child address those needs and emotions?
2) Prevent when possible
Avoid situations that push you or your child to the limit. Don’t let your child get too tired, too hungry, too bored, or too stimulated.
3) Notice the positive
Comment regularly on your child’s positive behavior, characteristics, and efforts. Let your child overhear you talking positively about her to other adults.
4) Use logical consequences
Whenever possible, allow your child to experience natural or logical consequences or his or her behavior.
5) Take a time out
Remove your child from the situation that is triggering the poor behavior so they can calm down.
6) Loss of privilege
Remove a privilege, like TV time or game time, for misbehavior. Each child may be motivated by the loss different different activities.
7) Add a chore
Require your child to do something that contributes to family life, maintaining the household, or acting in a positive way toward the person he or she has hurt in some way.
I raised four stubborn and rebellious children, and made the mistake, from time to time, of spanking them. Hindsight has helped me see more clearly that it was a mistake, but I think they managed to turn out quite well, anyway.
I agree with nearly everyone of the tips mentioned here, but one needs refining in my opinion. I have reservations about "Loss of Privilege" because I believe the feeling is more of removing entitlements, which is a negative thing.
I think it is better for children to really feel like the privilege is a privilege and not an entitlement--so it is better to say "let's do these chores, then we can do these things that we couldn't do before," (substituting specific actions and specific privileges within the general statement,) than to play Boss either physically or verbally.
The title of this makes it sound as if spanking is negative.
It is no different than any other type of disipline if done correctly.
Like pepperman said, don't do it in anger and talk about it afterwards.
If a child knows he is loved and if treatly fairly and respectfully, a spanking is not going to hurt him.
Not sure what these studied are or who they are on but I am not buying into it.
I agree that physical punishment when used as the first or only option is counter productive. Here comes the "however".
However, every parent I know has encountered situations where their child is bound and determined to engage in dangerous behavior, behavior that they do not yet have the ability to recognize as dangerous. I agree that the first efforts should be redirection, verbal warnings, removing the child from the situation, etc. But for the child who makes a game out of something dangerous, like sticking pins into electric outlets, I believe that when all other methods have failed, the time comes for a spank or a hand slap.
It should never be done in anger, and is best when accompanied by a very strict timeout. And then, after some time has passed there needs to be the talk: "I love you very much, but what you did was very dangerous. You must not do it again."
I agree with nearly everyone of the tips mentioned here, but one needs refining in my opinion. I have reservations about "Loss of Privilege" because I believe the feeling is more of removing entitlements, which is a negative thing.
I think it is better for children to really feel like the privilege is a privilege and not an entitlement--so it is better to say "let's do these chores, then we can do these things that we couldn't do before," (substituting specific actions and specific privileges within the general statement,) than to play Boss either physically or verbally.
It is no different than any other type of disipline if done correctly.
Like pepperman said, don't do it in anger and talk about it afterwards.
If a child knows he is loved and if treatly fairly and respectfully, a spanking is not going to hurt him.
Not sure what these studied are or who they are on but I am not buying into it.
I agree that physical punishment when used as the first or only option is counter productive. Here comes the "however".
However, every parent I know has encountered situations where their child is bound and determined to engage in dangerous behavior, behavior that they do not yet have the ability to recognize as dangerous. I agree that the first efforts should be redirection, verbal warnings, removing the child from the situation, etc. But for the child who makes a game out of something dangerous, like sticking pins into electric outlets, I believe that when all other methods have failed, the time comes for a spank or a hand slap.
It should never be done in anger, and is best when accompanied by a very strict timeout. And then, after some time has passed there needs to be the talk: "I love you very much, but what you did was very dangerous. You must not do it again."