New Years Day in Los Angeles was cold this year. As most places in the country are used to winter setting around the holidays, Los Angeles typically can get warm winds and 80 degree temperatures. So when it’s cold here on a holiday people notice. A friend of mine said to me yesterday, “...We stayed in on New Year’s Day and made a big pot of soup. I wanted to call my mom. Something about the cold weather made me think of her and it made me sad.” Her mom passed away last year.
I said to her that I felt the same way. My mother passed away four and a half years ago and I still have moments that I want to pick up the phone. It’s something about the cold outside, the season and the holidays that bring that longing out so much more. I think what can be really tough is not so much the remembering but what to do with the feelings that come up in the moment.
I have heard people say that after the initial grief period passes no one really wants to hear about the sadness. I have also heard that unless you have experienced a death than you cannot relate. In either case, it leaves one feeling rather isolated and alone.
I believe that we organically create times of the year that we remember those that have passed on, and that it’s important to mark that moment or day. It doesn’t require anything elaborate although you can make it that way if you choose. I tend to find a quiet space to reflect. I think about my mom and our memories together. This year I thought about how much she would have loved to have spent time with my 2 month old twins. She would have been so proud to be their grandmother. Although this is bittersweet, I find this process healing.
If you find yourself missing a loved one try to embrace it. It may feel like why bother as it will only bring sadness. But you may also find yourself more at peace and almost like you had a conversation with them.
- Julie Cohen