Do I Have To Give Thanks On Thanksgiving? by Julie Cohen/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Advisors

Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles. Her areas of focus include: depression, anxiety, panic, post-traumatic stress, bipolar…

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Do I Have To Give Thanks On Thanksgiving?

Posted in Depression by Julie Cohen on Nov 25, 2010

The short answer is NO! Of course there are no requirements on Thanksgiving. It’s not as if you will be banned from eating turkey or watching football. I also think that many people often dread the onset of the holiday season and it’s fairly common not to feel thankful this time of year.

A more universal feeling this time of year is stress. As the holidays approach, stress can be magnified by thoughts of spending time with family or not spending time with family, how to pay for presents and big meals. Some people have lost loved ones this year or have broken ties with family or friends. Others are trying to find something to do over the holidays to distract from and manage feelings of loneliness.

If you are amongst the many who are having trouble finding something to be thankful for this year, rest assured that you are not alone. Although it may be small comfort, give yourself permission not to feel thankful. At least you will relieve any guilt associated with what you think you “should be feeling.” If you are up to taking it one step further, consider the contemplative nature of this time of year. Take time to consider what this past year has meant to you and how you would want to change it. This can be a time of setting goals for the coming year that can leave you feeling hopeful and fulfilled.

- Julie

I've already started crying days ago! Anyone else hate these things: Being alone No more traditions Think about saving his feelings when he doesn't give a shit about mine! Can I do this? Wish it was me Gift or no gift for X-Mas Posted on 11/21/07 05:16:49 pm

Well, it's that time again when everyone get's to hug their pocketbooks and cry because there is never enough money to go around. SO, with that said I hate the holidays. I find that major depression starts with me from Thanksgiving right on thru Feb. I h Posted on 11/19/08 12:56:58 pm

I lost a lot of family during the holidays. People who were really important to me, people I was taking care of, and who took care of me. One grandfather, stroke the day before Thanksgiving, Other grandfather, cancer, 2AM Thanksgiving, Grandmother, 2AM Ch Posted on 11/24/08 03:32:19 am

Holidays suck! They do nothing for me except bring me down. Especially now that I am divorced. I don't have my kids for Thanksgiving and am going to be sitting at home all day and all night completely by myself. I absolutely hate the way I feel, like a hu Posted on 11/25/09 09:47:34 pm

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Give thanks every day!

By rossid Dec 01, 2010

even though we do not want to be thankful, we really should be. To do our best and find some things in our lives to be thankful for. But not only during this depressing time. I would say all year long. Tears just keep coming because of feeling sad and hurt. We have to be strong and not let that feeling take over our mind and soul. It is super hard and yes the Holidays suck. I totally agree.

By nenasonny1 Nov 28, 2010

every year it gets easier, but the pain does not. So many years I spent doing for others and worrying about everyone else. I do not dare ask my grown children what their plans are for the holidays. I have to rely that at least one will call and want to get together. I have no money to buy presents or make big dinners with, so I have to rely on my clueless hubby for nothing. I find it even more depressing that I am not working with empty days and raceless thoughts. I will have to start the what I am grateful list to move over to a healthier way of thinking..

By nenasonny1 Nov 28, 2010

I have a hard time being thankful since my life was turned upside down after an unnecessary hysterectomy by a gynecologist I'd trusted for 20 years. My health deteriorated rapidly afterwards. I aged 15+ years overnight despite being on HRT. I had no health problems before that day (except one day of pain) and now I have problems that no doctor's been able to "fix" due to the assault on my endocrine system. I'm angry at the medical profession (especially at gyns), depressed, and just a shell of my former self.

I try to tell myself that a lot of people are worse off than me but it doesn't help much. I've been in therapy to try to "get past" this.

By fighting4change Nov 28, 2010

it's what you make of it what counts if you want to spend it all down and out then thats on you but there are many ways of overcoming the down side of the holidays. try reaching out to people that have it alot harder then you it may bring joy to them and most of all to you. There is always something to be thankful for we may just not see it through the drakness around us turn on the light and take a look!!!! I was an addict for more then half my life and felt the same way until I overcame my addiction now I have a whole new out look on the holidays (3 yrs. clean and sober) try steping out of your comfortzone and reach out to someone in need other then yourself you will find joy in it.

By Gottschalk Nov 28, 2010

I think it's really healthy to pause and be thankful about SOMETHING in one's life; like many people, I get stressed and depressed around the holidays. I, too, have lost loved ones around this time of year.

Of course, one doesn't "have to" give thanks. However, I believe that the 'attitude of gratitude' is healthy, because it is hopeful. And hope is so very important!

If you are on this website, then 1) you have access to a computer (which also implies a) you're in a heated building and b) you're in an area which has electricity); 2) you can read and write; 3) you have all of your faculties and are able to think, reflect and express your feelings, even if those feelings are painful; and etc (you can probably think of a few other things for which to be thankful...)

"Memento mori"

By Zafira Nov 26, 2010

I completely understand. This time of the year can be the most depressing, emotional/mental time anyone can go through. I don't like it either. Loss of family through death, communications, moving on elsewhere can impact the effect. Toppled w/ historical inaccuracies it often makes me wonder the point of it as well. I'll cry, there's no question about it, but I do so alone. 15 people this year gathered around my parents table. I'm not sure this holiday has anything to do with history anymore outside of your own. You make it what it is.

Thank you for the snow that fell, for everyone who joined me for dinner, thank you for everyone getting home safely, thank you for my illness being bearable today, thank you for taking my bf home early so he wouldn't suffer any longer, thank you for each person I meet, for each mistake I make, for each tiny unexplained miracle I see, for each lesson I learn throughout this life...

By quinni24 Nov 26, 2010

No, you don't have to give thanks on the official Thanksgiving day. Just the opposite is more likely the case... when you realize that this day began the centuries-long slaughter of the Native Americans. And the journey was financed by the Spanish crown's outright theft of the belonging of its Jewish citizens. This day calls for contemplation, rather than thanks...

By drdim Nov 26, 2010

I too get depressed around the holidays. My mother died early November and my father died early January. Just wish I could just skip over these next few months. I usually cry almost everyday just thinking about them. They have been gone for 6 years now, and still can't get used to celebrating without them, just not the same. My one brother-in-law died 3 years ago, and me and my other sister have gotten divorced so it's just a few of us left. I am grateful that I have my sisters, but used to a much larger gathering for the holidays. Don't even want to celebrate anymore.

By JeanCarlin Nov 26, 2010

Malcolm X once said, "I didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on me," Many non-whites do not celebrate Thanksgiving. Native Americans, Mexicans, and Afro-Americans as this was not a shining moment for them. And even if you are white, it's not necessary. Just because everyone else is doing it....is not a reason!

By mirto Nov 26, 2010

so.... how do we meet people so we won't be so lonely? everyone says volunteer at a soup kitchen or something, but somehow this seems just as depressing, if not more so.
yes, i'm very thankful for what i have, but does any one have any other suggestions on how to meet other people? (no, i don't do bars, and i can't really find a church where i'm comfortable)
ANY suggestions?
i hate the holidays... love the music, tho.

By tadlem Nov 26, 2010

I don't know one person that likes that I do this, but I start buying gifts well before the season. Then when the sadness and stress of the supposed requirements, I am at least ready to give, somewhat. And I make many gifts so I don't have as much crabby giving because of deep financial difficulties. Giving to the poor does give a good feeling. Well hang in there. many understand.

By dewounded Nov 25, 2010

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