Dr. Jeremy F. Shapiro
Pediatrician
Dr. Shapiro completed his undergraduate education at UC San Diego, earning a B.S. in Biochemistry and Cell Biology, and a B.A. in Political Science. He furthered his education at UCLA where he earned a Masters Degree in Public…
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LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA, USA
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AFFILIATIONS:
  • Attending Physician, Providence Tarzana Regional Medical Center
YEARS IN PRACTICE: 9
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Attachment Parenting: What’s All the Fuss?
8
Posted in Parenting Newbo... by Dr. Jeremy F. Shapiro on May 16, 2012
Well first off, I hope that all the amazing moms out there had a wonderful Mother’s Day this past weekend. Frankly, there should probably be a few more of these days sprinkled throughout the year; but I suppose having it on a weekend, when the weather is typically beautiful and Spring is certainly in the air, seems more than appropriate if it is only going to be once a year.

And so I find it more than ironic that right before Mother’s Day, TIME Magazine decided to not only publish a feature article about attachment parenting, but also gave the cover photo to a mother breastfeeding her 3-year-old child while standing up. And while this may surprise a few of you, the thing that bothered me most was not the cover photo, but rather the sensational journalism that was certainly at play here.

I just felt that more drama and unnecessary debate was being created for the sake of readership. I also feel that if you removed the photo image from the cover, discussion about attachment parenting would not have even reached the holiday weekend. But by throwing the breastfeeding picture on the cover, attachment parenting has now been thrown in the spotlight where it appears everyone has an opinion about this parenting technique. And frankly, I really don’t get what’s all the fuss.

Basically, attachment parenting places great emphasis on a nurturing connection between parents and their children. When digging a little bit deeper, attachment parenting is also linked to 8 core principles ranging from nighttime parenting and co-sleeping, to promotion of breastfeeding.

But really, when I discuss attachment parenting with new parents or parents-to-be, I emphasize it's just one approach to parenting. I remind parents there are many different approaches and styles out there. Furthermore, I tell parents it’s not my job to pick a parenting style for them (most don’t ask anyway,) but what I will do is make sure they don’t deviate “too far off the path” that they’ve chosen. And most parents seem to appreciate that.

So while I don’t have any good research to tell parents to breast feed until 3 years of age, I don’t have any research saying children shouldn’t be breastfeeding until the age of 3. So let’s all take a step back and try to respect the various parenting styles and approaches out there. What may work for one family may not always work for another.

- Dr. Jeremy

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Displaying comments 8-1 of 8
8
I would not presume to tell anyone how to parent but IMO we need to teach kids to be independent. I think attachment parenting is counter intuitive because it fosters too strong a bond. Perhaps it is a bit selfish to keep your kids tied to you so closely that you smother them, figuratively and perhaps literally. I am all about balance. When kids need you, be there. When kids don't need or want you, let them be. Again, as long as you don't try to push this style onto me, go for it. It will be interesting to see how these kids turn out 20 years down the line.
By hotmom1  May 18, 2012
7
I'm now 30 & my mom did attachment parenting with me (which was called the continuum concept back then). The book she read about it said it was supposed to make the child feel like all was right with the world & stuff like that. I've never talked to anyone else whose mother did this with them but all it did for me was make me very attached to my mother-which can be good & bad. Like I said, I never talked to any other adult whose parents used this method but based on my experience I wouldn't recommend doing it with your children.
By justKate  May 17, 2012
6
One of my attachment things I did was made sure my kids knew I loved them ever day. When they woke up, when I sent them off to school, and when they went to bed. I also practiced my "Don't go to bed angry" thing. If things happened that were negative, it got resolved before wind down time.
BTW I also nursed my last 2 kids for 2 years, and they didn't turn out weird. I do however think there is a cut off time. But nursing a 2 year old I think is fine. Now a 3 year old is going to remember it. I don't know if I would go that far. But that's just me.
By ginapocan  May 17, 2012
5
As the good doctor said, everyone has their parenting styles. I slept with my kids. no one got rolled over on. Maybe because I don't do drugs that make me unaware of my surroundings. I believe most of those roll overs happen when parents go to bed with their kids high or drunk. Because I had no problems. The grew up fine. None claim to feel any voids. We're now without our problems, but they came out ok. One is serving in the US Army as I write this. One just became a father, and one just became a mother. No ones in jail or on drugs. I don't think I did too bad.
By ginapocan  May 17, 2012
4
Being a adoptive parent and a foster parent, I know how some forms of attachement therapy are successful and really good for children with bonding and abandonment issues. But like all "styles" you have people who take it to the extreme.
By Channie1126  May 16, 2012
3
I have practiced some forms of attachments parenting with my daughter since I adopted her...some not all, I am not a hard core attachment parenting advocate by no means but I do believe that not as much nurturing is done by most parents so I pushed that greatly with her. My daughter always knew dady would be there and cared.

In my opinion she turned out more rounded and emotionally stable then if she had been parented a different way. I do not regret my choice of practicing attachment parenting and plan on doing so with my future children. Theres a time for independence and a time for love and nurture from mum and dad, but they need to be mixed slowly and not taken away, the nurture and love; Once the child reaches teen years as most parents do since thats when they need you the most. If anyone has any questions about this please feel free to message me and I will answer as many as I can.
Just realize this parenting style is in NO way incest!
By jake4  May 16, 2012
2
I have to respectfully disagree on some of these elements. I think there is a balance between to much and too little bonding. A child needs to learn to function while alone, too.
By OldManBear  May 16, 2012
1
I really can't support much of that attachment parenting. Sleeping with your child is, in my opinion, wrong. First of all children die every year when their parent rolls over on them at night and smothers them. Letting a frightened child fall asleep with a parent is fine, but, IMO, the child needs to sleep on their own.

I believe that breastfeeding is a personal decision, one that I would support. But up to 3 years old or longer? Seems wrong to me on so many levels. But this may just be me.

Children need to develop confidence in themselves, and attachment parenting (or is that hover parenting?) can be counter productive.
By ThePepperMan  May 16, 2012
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