Getting your needs met, whether in a relationship or at work, is a difficult task for many. There are efficient and effective ways to be clear in your communication and increase the likelihood that you will be understood.
Many people have an inherent fear of asking for what they need, which is inextricably tied to the fear of rejection. In relationships, couples frequently have a hidden wish that their partner will read their mind or at least intuit what they need. This typically leads to resentment and disappointment.
The ability to voice your needs, with a conviction that you deserve to have them met, is also linked to self-esteem. If you are not feeling good about yourself or secure in your relationship then it may feel as if it is too risky to make requests. The requests themselves may be simple, such as asking for help with the household chores or with childcare or something more emotional like wanting more affection from your partner. Over time no matter how seemingly small the desires are, the inability to get them fulfilled will begin to erode the relationship.
If this is a problem in your life then take the time to make the needed changes. The sooner this happens, the better. First identify what it is that you really want from your mate and why you have been resistant to ask. Is that that you are afraid your request will get rejected or that you think it is unreasonable?
If you are having a hard time articulating yourself try writing your thoughts down before you discuss them with your mate. If it is something concrete you need, then be clear and non-judgmental in your delivery and don’t automatically assume you will get turned down. If the needs are less succinct and more feeling-based then take some time to get clear about what it is that you are really asking for before delivering the message. Learn to tolerate actual disappointments instead of imaginary ones because when you begin to voice your desires, while they won’t all be satisfied, there is a much greater chance that they will become a reality.